"One of the best things about blogging is finding friends all over the world. (In an awesome way, not a creepy chat-room type way.) We're lucky because we've built a community of people we can count on, even if they're people we've never met. Here is a guest post that proves the amazing power of the internet."
My name is brandy. And I have a blog.
And a plea.
I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.
He's a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He's the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He's the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He's a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He's made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He's listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.
The holidays have hit us hard. He's recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He's the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I'm overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.
As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren't sure what's happening. He'll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what's going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as 'brandy's hot awesome dude'). If you don't pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.
I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven't seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).
I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I'm throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn't a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It's just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven't already? Please tell someone you love them today.
I did
Monday, December 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Stolen
"I am not the girl that most guys would expect to really like. I am not the girl they wanna make their "girlfriend". I am usually the one they call for a good time, the one who listens and helps, the one who takes away the pain and stress if only for a little while. Yet, usually the one they send home after the good time has been had. The one who doesn't get Xmas gifts or b-day wishes, or even a shoulder to cry on when needed. They don't always answer my calls or text. I get put off for a weekend or for after midnight. I am the side chick, the friend with benefits, the booty call. Never nothing more, never less. It usually doesn't end until I cut the cord because with me they have the best of both worlds. The great sex and the friend."
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Jon Gosselin is a douchebag
This Douchebag is pretty much all i have to say or think. Yea he pretty much reminds me of Jeremy though the situation is different i still though of Jeremy, odd weird hmmm.
read the link then u will see what I mean
read the link then u will see what I mean
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Depression almost killed my blog
I havent' posting in forever. Was to depressed basically cuz of who know who. Oh well fuck him and his stupid gf
*eye roll*
anywho
Life has been good. Finally started to actually like my new bf and not fighting about how i dont love him. I'm glad that has stopped it was annoying as fuck. Though we did get into a fight today :(
He told a very good odd awkward friend of mine to stop talking to me cuz i'm his gf. I'm like WTF! What gives u the right seriously im just talking to him thats all. Yea like a year and half ago i messed around with him but nuthin since. He's like i dont want u talking to people u had sex with.
A. I never had sex with my good odd awkward friend hes a 23 yea old virgin.
B. The only friend I have and hang out with are my ex boyfriends
C. He probably talks to people he has had sex with though he says he doesnt really
So I called Tim to pick me up and left his house. He come out wondering why I left and asking me to come back if I wanted to. I told him maybe later I'll come back but for right now its best I leave. So we kissed and I left. I went to Tim's but couldn't get out of the car i sit in his car when im depressed or sad. Told me to take me to Freds and thats where i am now.
He was having a shitty day so I thought why the fuck not, its not like im going to fuck him right?
*eye roll*
anywho
Life has been good. Finally started to actually like my new bf and not fighting about how i dont love him. I'm glad that has stopped it was annoying as fuck. Though we did get into a fight today :(
He told a very good odd awkward friend of mine to stop talking to me cuz i'm his gf. I'm like WTF! What gives u the right seriously im just talking to him thats all. Yea like a year and half ago i messed around with him but nuthin since. He's like i dont want u talking to people u had sex with.
A. I never had sex with my good odd awkward friend hes a 23 yea old virgin.
B. The only friend I have and hang out with are my ex boyfriends
C. He probably talks to people he has had sex with though he says he doesnt really
So I called Tim to pick me up and left his house. He come out wondering why I left and asking me to come back if I wanted to. I told him maybe later I'll come back but for right now its best I leave. So we kissed and I left. I went to Tim's but couldn't get out of the car i sit in his car when im depressed or sad. Told me to take me to Freds and thats where i am now.
He was having a shitty day so I thought why the fuck not, its not like im going to fuck him right?
Monday, July 27, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
fuck it. yell at me if u want.
i am an actual good girlfriend. im so sick of this shit. im making myself sick over how to make u stop hating me, getting annoyed by every little thing. im been trying Jeremy but u can at least try to be nice to me, stop calling me names, meet me half way. do something. god u r not a good boyfriend and put up with all the mean things everyday just so i can be with u. why would all my fucking ex boyfriend want me back if i was such a bad girlfriend? I am the only one who will put up with u Jeremy always. how many people have u pissed off and lost as a friend? This fucking bitch here didn't talk to u for months ignored u and everything u sent her, and u think she is anything good. i always defend u everyday when people tell me how horrible u r to me how much of an ass u are and i dont even know these people they just read ur comments. from wat i heard ur not a good one but its all from someone else mouth ur hearing it from a pissy boyfriend idk u & u idk so shut ur fucking mouth.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
P.TwittyTV EPISODE #9 - MY SON CHRISTIAN LIKES TO DANCE TOO!!!
like the effects and Diddy's son dancing so cute
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Ipod Shuffle CHALLENGE! What 10 songs do you have on your shuffle?
Do my friend Tyler Fitzner Ipod Shuffle Challenge!
Follow him on twitter
www.twitter.com/nihongotako
websites I've been visiting
I've been reading and there is always a website to visit after u read a book.
http://www.miathermopolis.com/
After finishing The Princess Diaries series. i can't believe its over :(
http://www.prettylittleliars.com/
After I finished Wicked the 5th book in an 8 book series
http://www.megcabot.com
After reading Airhead the first book of a series that i know from going to website has 3 book so far.
Also there are their facebook,twitter, myspace, becoming a fan of on facebook, ect to do also to be updated.
Non book related websites I came along.
http://www.cornify.com/
http://twitthis.com/
http://www.bubbletweet.com/
http://patriciasnow.ecrater.com/index.php
http://www.imeem.com/
http://www.miathermopolis.com/
After finishing The Princess Diaries series. i can't believe its over :(
http://www.prettylittleliars.com/
After I finished Wicked the 5th book in an 8 book series
http://www.megcabot.com
After reading Airhead the first book of a series that i know from going to website has 3 book so far.
Also there are their facebook,twitter, myspace, becoming a fan of on facebook, ect to do also to be updated.
Non book related websites I came along.
http://www.cornify.com/
http://twitthis.com/
http://www.bubbletweet.com/
http://patriciasnow.ecrater.com/index.php
http://www.imeem.com/
Monday, May 18, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
What Britney Spears song are u?
Your Result: Oops... I Did It Again
Did you do it again? Yes, yes you did, and you liked it. You are a stubborn individual and when someone tells you not to do something, you do it anyways. Do you get a satisfaction from disobeying ordes? Probably. This gives you a sense of being a rebel and following your own path.
Pretty Little Liars
I love this series and I just found out there are going to be 8 books in total. I just finished Wicked the 5th book and the 6th book Killer comes out June 30th. I can't fucking wait! I'm so excited. There is such crazy plot twist that my head is gonna explode.
Here is books 1-6 so far and some details on the books.
Pretty Little Liars
In the exclusive Philadelphia suburb of Rosewood, Alison is the Queen Bee of her elite seventh grade hive. BFs Aria, Hanna, Spencer, and Emily vie for her attention, even as each of them hides a hideous secret only Alison knows. So when Alison goes missing after a slumber party, never to be seen again, each girl is heartbroken, but also a little relieved. Now it is three years later, and though the four girls have grown apart, they are each still hiding something. Artsy Aria is carrying on an affair with one of her teachers, fashionista Hanna shoplifts to accessorize her trendy outfits, blue-blood Spencer is sleeping with her older sister’s boyfriend, while straight-A Emily is trying to ignore her attraction to a new female classmate. When the girls begin receiving threatening text messages and emails that from someone known only as "A," they must confront the fact that against all odds, it appears Alison is back. Could Alison still be alive? And if so, why is she so determined to uncover all their dirty little secrets?
Debut author Sara Shepard's shamelessly addictive blend of Desperate Housewives and I Know What You Did Last Summer is absolutely delicious. Her infusion of mystery and murder breathes new life into the tired genre of high society chick lit, and will give fans of Gossip Girl and The A-List something new to dig their French-manicured nails into.
Flawless
In the exclusive town of Rosewood, Pennsylvania, where the sweetest smiles hide the darkest secrets, four pretty little liars—Spencer, Aria, Emily, and Hanna—have been very bad girls. . . .
Spencer stole her sister's boyfriend. Aria is brokenhearted over her English teacher. Emily likes her new friend Maya . . . as much more than a friend. And Hanna's obsession with looking flawless is literally making her sick. But the most horrible secret of all is something so scandalous it could destroy their perfect little lives.
And someone named "A" is threatening to do just that.
At first they thought A was Alison, their friend who vanished three years ago . . . but then Alison turned up dead. So could A be Melissa, Spencer's ultracompetitive sister? Or Maya, who wants Emily all to herself? What about Toby, the mysterious guy who left town right after Alison went missing?
One thing's for certain: A's got the dirt to bury them all alive, and with every crumpled note, wicked IM, and vindictive text message A sends, the girls get a little closer to losing it all.
Perfect
In Rosewood, Pennsylvania, four perfect-looking girls aren't nearly as perfect as they seem.
Aria can't resist her forbidden ex. Hanna is on the verge of losing her BFF. Emily is freaking out over a simple kiss. And Spencer can't keep her hands off anything that belongs to her sister.
Lucky me. I know these pretty little liars better than they know themselves. But it's hard keeping all of their secrets to myself. They better do as I say . . . or else!
Unbelievable
Four pretty little liars' charmed lives have turned into living nightmares.
Emily's been shipped off to Iowa to live with her überconservative cousins. Aria's boyfriend is behind bars—because of her. Spencer's afraid she was involved in Ali's murder. But Hanna's fate is far worse: She's clinging to life in the hospital because she knew too much.
If these girls don't start listening to me, Hanna's going to look like the lucky one.
Wicked
In idyllic Rosewood, Pennsylvania, where Burberry earmuffs keep diamond-studded ears warm, four very pretty girls have done some very wicked things. . . .
High school juniors Hanna, Spencer, Emily, and Aria have paid dearly for their sins. A stalker named "A" terrorized them for months and revealed their darkest secrets. But now that A's true identity has been revealed, the girls can finally go back to their pretty little lives.
Only, once a pretty little liar, always a pretty little liar—and these girls just can't help but be bad. Hanna will do anything to be Rosewood's queen bee. Spencer starts stealing . . . from her parents. Emily can't stop thinking about her new boyfriend. And Aria approves a little too strongly of her mom's taste in men.
As the secrets get darker and the scandals juicier, the consequences turn deadly. After all, girls who forget the past are condemned to repeat it. And in Rosewood, someone is always watching. . . .
Killer
In the sixth installment of the series, four pretty little girls get closer to the truth…including the identity of the killer whose actions have haunted the town for years. All the while, the new “A” is watching their every move, sending them vicious texts about the secrets they keep. Secrets like Emily’s ultra-serious relationship with Isaac. Spencer’s search for the truth about her family. Hanna’s vow to one-up her stepsister. And Aria’s blossoming relationship with someone she’s had a crush on for years. There’s one thing we know for sure about Rosewood—lives can turn inside out in a blink of an eye. People who seemed guilty are suddenly innocent, and vice versa. Alliances once thought inconceivable are now possible. And the biggest secret of all is something none of the girls could have imagined in a million years…
Except A, of course. Because A knows all.
prettylittleliars
Here is books 1-6 so far and some details on the books.
Pretty Little Liars
In the exclusive Philadelphia suburb of Rosewood, Alison is the Queen Bee of her elite seventh grade hive. BFs Aria, Hanna, Spencer, and Emily vie for her attention, even as each of them hides a hideous secret only Alison knows. So when Alison goes missing after a slumber party, never to be seen again, each girl is heartbroken, but also a little relieved. Now it is three years later, and though the four girls have grown apart, they are each still hiding something. Artsy Aria is carrying on an affair with one of her teachers, fashionista Hanna shoplifts to accessorize her trendy outfits, blue-blood Spencer is sleeping with her older sister’s boyfriend, while straight-A Emily is trying to ignore her attraction to a new female classmate. When the girls begin receiving threatening text messages and emails that from someone known only as "A," they must confront the fact that against all odds, it appears Alison is back. Could Alison still be alive? And if so, why is she so determined to uncover all their dirty little secrets?Debut author Sara Shepard's shamelessly addictive blend of Desperate Housewives and I Know What You Did Last Summer is absolutely delicious. Her infusion of mystery and murder breathes new life into the tired genre of high society chick lit, and will give fans of Gossip Girl and The A-List something new to dig their French-manicured nails into.
Flawless
In the exclusive town of Rosewood, Pennsylvania, where the sweetest smiles hide the darkest secrets, four pretty little liars—Spencer, Aria, Emily, and Hanna—have been very bad girls. . . . Spencer stole her sister's boyfriend. Aria is brokenhearted over her English teacher. Emily likes her new friend Maya . . . as much more than a friend. And Hanna's obsession with looking flawless is literally making her sick. But the most horrible secret of all is something so scandalous it could destroy their perfect little lives.
And someone named "A" is threatening to do just that.
At first they thought A was Alison, their friend who vanished three years ago . . . but then Alison turned up dead. So could A be Melissa, Spencer's ultracompetitive sister? Or Maya, who wants Emily all to herself? What about Toby, the mysterious guy who left town right after Alison went missing?
One thing's for certain: A's got the dirt to bury them all alive, and with every crumpled note, wicked IM, and vindictive text message A sends, the girls get a little closer to losing it all.
Perfect
In Rosewood, Pennsylvania, four perfect-looking girls aren't nearly as perfect as they seem. Aria can't resist her forbidden ex. Hanna is on the verge of losing her BFF. Emily is freaking out over a simple kiss. And Spencer can't keep her hands off anything that belongs to her sister.
Lucky me. I know these pretty little liars better than they know themselves. But it's hard keeping all of their secrets to myself. They better do as I say . . . or else!
Unbelievable
Four pretty little liars' charmed lives have turned into living nightmares. Emily's been shipped off to Iowa to live with her überconservative cousins. Aria's boyfriend is behind bars—because of her. Spencer's afraid she was involved in Ali's murder. But Hanna's fate is far worse: She's clinging to life in the hospital because she knew too much.
If these girls don't start listening to me, Hanna's going to look like the lucky one.
Wicked
In idyllic Rosewood, Pennsylvania, where Burberry earmuffs keep diamond-studded ears warm, four very pretty girls have done some very wicked things. . . . High school juniors Hanna, Spencer, Emily, and Aria have paid dearly for their sins. A stalker named "A" terrorized them for months and revealed their darkest secrets. But now that A's true identity has been revealed, the girls can finally go back to their pretty little lives.
Only, once a pretty little liar, always a pretty little liar—and these girls just can't help but be bad. Hanna will do anything to be Rosewood's queen bee. Spencer starts stealing . . . from her parents. Emily can't stop thinking about her new boyfriend. And Aria approves a little too strongly of her mom's taste in men.
As the secrets get darker and the scandals juicier, the consequences turn deadly. After all, girls who forget the past are condemned to repeat it. And in Rosewood, someone is always watching. . . .
Killer
In the sixth installment of the series, four pretty little girls get closer to the truth…including the identity of the killer whose actions have haunted the town for years. All the while, the new “A” is watching their every move, sending them vicious texts about the secrets they keep. Secrets like Emily’s ultra-serious relationship with Isaac. Spencer’s search for the truth about her family. Hanna’s vow to one-up her stepsister. And Aria’s blossoming relationship with someone she’s had a crush on for years. There’s one thing we know for sure about Rosewood—lives can turn inside out in a blink of an eye. People who seemed guilty are suddenly innocent, and vice versa. Alliances once thought inconceivable are now possible. And the biggest secret of all is something none of the girls could have imagined in a million years…Except A, of course. Because A knows all.
prettylittleliars
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Life isn't so bad right now
I haven't writen a blog in forever cuz I don't know what to say sometimes. Life has been pretty good. I mean there are always ups and downs. Me and Jeremy still fight and shit but it has been getting better. I saw Wolverine last night with him. It had its moments but basicly not so great. Though he looked good :)
Me and Tim have beening out more which is good cuz all he was doing was working like Jeremy. And it's not fun that I can't see anyone cuz they work all day :(
Still no seeing Fred though he hates it. Even though he seriously asked me to marry him. I'm like wtf Fred u don't want to marry me just stop that right now.
I've been buying dresses and skirts and more summer type clothing. I didn't really have any summertime dresses u know. I was more into wearing long jeans in the summer and never showing my legs and thats why they were always lighter than my body. Still not wearing short though it did cross my mind, which makes me think i'm losing it.
So hoping things go better with me and Jeremy and stay better. And Tim works but not so much he can't spend time with me, also putting Jeremy on that too. And hopefully me and Fred can stay being friendly and not have it go sour
413-538-2363
Me and Tim have beening out more which is good cuz all he was doing was working like Jeremy. And it's not fun that I can't see anyone cuz they work all day :(
Still no seeing Fred though he hates it. Even though he seriously asked me to marry him. I'm like wtf Fred u don't want to marry me just stop that right now.
I've been buying dresses and skirts and more summer type clothing. I didn't really have any summertime dresses u know. I was more into wearing long jeans in the summer and never showing my legs and thats why they were always lighter than my body. Still not wearing short though it did cross my mind, which makes me think i'm losing it.
So hoping things go better with me and Jeremy and stay better. And Tim works but not so much he can't spend time with me, also putting Jeremy on that too. And hopefully me and Fred can stay being friendly and not have it go sour
413-538-2363
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The World is standing still
I think he just wants to break up. why else will he be acting like this everytime and doing it over & over and being so stubborn where I can't even be near him? When I actually need him he's unreachable, nowhere to be seen or he would just leave anyways. I can't stand that. I leave the room upset and in tears so he just walks out the front door no goodbyes to me or Jaden. Like we don't even matter enough. And I go outside asking why he's leaving begging him to stay come back stop being a stubborn asshole over fucking nuthin. What does he do? He just keeps on walking like I'm not even there outside crying trying to get him to stop leaving again. I'm sick of making a fool out of myself for someone who is bearly apart of my life. The way he is with Jaden sometimes pisses me off cuz he's teaching him wrong and getting to say things he shouldn't. Jaden and Jeremy think its funny when it's not.
I don't feel like i'm in a relationship. I don't feel like his girlfriend. He doesn't treat me like i am. He doesn't treat me special. He doesn't call me when he's worried about me or even worries about me. Like two days ago was the nicest thing he has said to me in a long time.
"I love you more than anything in the world. i love who you are and what you look like."
If only he treated me like he loved me more than anything in the world.
I'm just really sad. Everything is falling apart again. He's doing the same old thing again. I see him even less and talk to him even less cuz of his second job. I'm always alone nowadays. Everyone I want to see is to busy or im not allowed to see them.
I just want things to work out again.
I don't feel like i'm in a relationship. I don't feel like his girlfriend. He doesn't treat me like i am. He doesn't treat me special. He doesn't call me when he's worried about me or even worries about me. Like two days ago was the nicest thing he has said to me in a long time.
"I love you more than anything in the world. i love who you are and what you look like."
If only he treated me like he loved me more than anything in the world.
I'm just really sad. Everything is falling apart again. He's doing the same old thing again. I see him even less and talk to him even less cuz of his second job. I'm always alone nowadays. Everyone I want to see is to busy or im not allowed to see them.
I just want things to work out again.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
My life is a bore
Boring. Haven't done much. I get to go anywhere with Tim anymore cuz he rather work than do anything with me. Fred has been a bit of a drama queen having fits about everything. Hopefully he will stop cuz it's getting annoying and makes me not want to talk to him. But then he says things and does things that are great.
Jeremy didn't pay his phone bill so no texting or caling him. I bearally get to speak to him and when i need to get a hold of him i can't. Plus when I saw him for an hour yesterday it didn't go well. He just leaves even when I beg him to not go. He doesnt have any time for me. And yesterday it seemed like he had somewhere else to be or someone better to see. I always think the worst.
I have no money. I owe 2 months of rent, cable bill, and i can't buy anything for Jaden cuz Jeremy hasn't paid child support in forever.
Jaden keeps going outside but hopefully I get that problem fixed today.
Jeremy didn't pay his phone bill so no texting or caling him. I bearally get to speak to him and when i need to get a hold of him i can't. Plus when I saw him for an hour yesterday it didn't go well. He just leaves even when I beg him to not go. He doesnt have any time for me. And yesterday it seemed like he had somewhere else to be or someone better to see. I always think the worst.
I have no money. I owe 2 months of rent, cable bill, and i can't buy anything for Jaden cuz Jeremy hasn't paid child support in forever.
Jaden keeps going outside but hopefully I get that problem fixed today.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
17 again
Just saw 17 Again. It was good put a lot of things to view. Like getting pregnant in High School but I didn't get married. U think if u could do it all over again that u would still end up making the same choice again. Overall in the movie the choice he made in the first place was the best choice. Being with the love of ur life getting married and having a baby at 17 instead of going to college playing college ball and possibly going pro hmmm........
If u went back in time to redo everything would u change it or would u end up doing the samething without even realizing it?
If u went back in time to redo everything would u change it or would u end up doing the samething without even realizing it?
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
what's it to u
I saw Hannah Montana the movie! I know ur so jealous. I saw it with Tim who wasn't excited like I was. But over all it was a good movie. I'm feeling really shitty having some problems. I have some Easter candy that me and Tim got at Target for 50%.
Tim has informed me that he's working all the rest of the week from 1-6 :(
Not ok. But it's finally my weekend off even though its not really a weekend since Jeremy doesn't get out of work until like 6ish so he can't get Jaden from daycare.
Jeremy still doesn't have his car but says he will get it tomorrow night at least. Hopefully soon we will spend sometime together.
Still not allowed to see Fred :(
Movies that I want to see this month: Fast & Furious, 17 again and Adventureland
Tim has informed me that he's working all the rest of the week from 1-6 :(
Not ok. But it's finally my weekend off even though its not really a weekend since Jeremy doesn't get out of work until like 6ish so he can't get Jaden from daycare.
Jeremy still doesn't have his car but says he will get it tomorrow night at least. Hopefully soon we will spend sometime together.
Still not allowed to see Fred :(
Movies that I want to see this month: Fast & Furious, 17 again and Adventureland
Monday, April 13, 2009
Easter
I went to Jeremy's aunts house for Easter shit this year. Wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Jaden like always was a pain sometime. Carly was cute and talking to me about anything that pop into her head at the beginning. We ate, we talk, and we saw a really bad movie :)
Carly and Jaden did can Easter egg hunt and it was fun taking pictures of them looking for eggs that me and Jeremy hid in the front yard. Me and Jeremy didnt really fight so that's a plus.
Tim came over after he got home from Boston. Jaden omg i swear i am on my last nerves with him. Talk to Fred a little bit only. I feel bad he never has any good holidays.
OMG! I'm seeing the Hannah Montana movie today with Timmy. Can't wait. Also Target to get Easter candy for a million percent off. YAY!
Carly and Jaden did can Easter egg hunt and it was fun taking pictures of them looking for eggs that me and Jeremy hid in the front yard. Me and Jeremy didnt really fight so that's a plus.
Tim came over after he got home from Boston. Jaden omg i swear i am on my last nerves with him. Talk to Fred a little bit only. I feel bad he never has any good holidays.
OMG! I'm seeing the Hannah Montana movie today with Timmy. Can't wait. Also Target to get Easter candy for a million percent off. YAY!
Friday, April 10, 2009
Negativity is my life
I haven't been writing in my blog for a while now. I've been to blah to take the time to do so. I was happy, then depressed, then more depressed etc etc. I hate that I was so happy at one point and it all went to fucking shit. These people are all treating me different and my feelings are a mess. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm confused, I'm lovestruck, and I'm fucking hysterical. I'm so stressed and I'm falling apart slowly but surely.
I feel fake. My relationship feels empty like there an outside holding it into shape but nuthin to fill it. My life is backwards. The guy who isn't my boyfriend acts like it and the guy who is my boyfriend doesn't. It's just who they are as people. I can't change them and tell them to snap out of it, ur driving me nuts. I'm just one of those people who still feel lonely in a crowded room.
I feel guilty all the time for thinking these types of things. For talking to Fred all the time instead of Jeremy. Wishing that we could carry on a conversation. How I'm a lousy mother. How I think about dying. How I'm so negative all the time lately.
I don't fator into anyone life other than Jaden's and that's only because he lives with me. It would be a different story if he didn't.
I haven't felt this alone in a very long time.
I feel fake. My relationship feels empty like there an outside holding it into shape but nuthin to fill it. My life is backwards. The guy who isn't my boyfriend acts like it and the guy who is my boyfriend doesn't. It's just who they are as people. I can't change them and tell them to snap out of it, ur driving me nuts. I'm just one of those people who still feel lonely in a crowded room.
I feel guilty all the time for thinking these types of things. For talking to Fred all the time instead of Jeremy. Wishing that we could carry on a conversation. How I'm a lousy mother. How I think about dying. How I'm so negative all the time lately.
I don't fator into anyone life other than Jaden's and that's only because he lives with me. It would be a different story if he didn't.
I haven't felt this alone in a very long time.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
:(
[Verse 1:]
Baby, baby
When we first met
I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover
And my best friend
All wrapped into one
With a ribbon on it
And all of a sudden
you went and left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shock
That spun me around
And now my heart's dead
I feel so empty and hollow
[Pre Chorus:]
And I'll never give myself to another
The way I gave it to you
Don't even recognize
The ways you hurt me
Do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame
[Chorus:]
And now I feel like, oh
You're the reason
Why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on
These cigarettes no more
I guess that's what I get
For wishful thinking
Should've never let you into my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
Cause now I'm using like I bleed
It's like I checked into rehab
Baby you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
Baby you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
[Verse 2:]
Damn,
Ain't it crazy
When you're loveswept
You'll do anything
For the one you love
'Cause anytime
That you needed me
I'd be there
It's like
You were my favorite drug
The only problem is
That you was using me
In a different way
That I was using you
But now that I know
That it's not meant to be
You gotta go
I gotta wean myself off of you
[Pre Chorus:]
[Chorus:]
[Ad libs]
[Chorus:]
Baby, baby
When we first met
I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover
And my best friend
All wrapped into one
With a ribbon on it
And all of a sudden
you went and left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shock
That spun me around
And now my heart's dead
I feel so empty and hollow
[Pre Chorus:]
And I'll never give myself to another
The way I gave it to you
Don't even recognize
The ways you hurt me
Do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame
[Chorus:]
And now I feel like, oh
You're the reason
Why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on
These cigarettes no more
I guess that's what I get
For wishful thinking
Should've never let you into my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
Cause now I'm using like I bleed
It's like I checked into rehab
Baby you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
Baby you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
[Verse 2:]
Damn,
Ain't it crazy
When you're loveswept
You'll do anything
For the one you love
'Cause anytime
That you needed me
I'd be there
It's like
You were my favorite drug
The only problem is
That you was using me
In a different way
That I was using you
But now that I know
That it's not meant to be
You gotta go
I gotta wean myself off of you
[Pre Chorus:]
[Chorus:]
[Ad libs]
[Chorus:]
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
blah blah life
I'm glad Fred is out of the hopstial. My weekend I was mostly with Tim like always since he's like my only friend basicly cuz I'm a loser. Jaden was very sick all weekend at Jeremy's house but he's perfectly fine now and overly hungry from lack of food in him. I have no cell and I'm still pretty unsure how to pay my rent in like 3 days. I dont have much to say.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
months worth of quotes
"night babe im going to bed now i watch u sleep for a hour your so cute, love you so much so hope u dream about me.
ok we need to do something so we can talk for hours about something.
when i was growing up, i was told never to say "cant" cause it was negative.
is it cant for u shirley or is it wont?
i would do so much for you, i call i try to make you happy, yeah i cant see you , i cant drive you places, but im nice to you when u are bitchy i treat you like goddess i try my best and i get nothing.
i miss you and love you.
i dont wanna break u and jj up.
then i want one thing, i want to let you know i truely love you and care, i think you are sexy no matter what you say, and ill stop with these ideas but i want you to call me for once and tell me something truthful.
when i say i love you, its a highest form of the word i rarely say it only say it when i truly mean it and that i care so much about that person.
not very often a pretty girl steals my words.
sweet carrying, somewhat bitchy at time but the bitchiness i can deal with, and see makes me really happy like i know i get all like bottle and stuff but the time i have been out with her it was fun even though i may of withdrawn but holding her and showing that im with her was fun, she's easy for me to talk to but sorta hard to understand and she want me to read her mind but i cant
and also she has a warm heart, that drives me crazy and she wonderful in bed and i tell her it all the time but i feel she doesnt believe me half the time.
if i could i would show her off so much
ur the best shirley.
i have to deal and stop causing so many problems for u.
ur in every dream, you in every thought ur in my mind so much now.
i cant read your mind no matter how much i want 2.
ur worth a life time of waiting.
last time im saying sorry for this but i want to be ask for forgiveness and ill stop trying so hard and over thinking so please talk ill be better.
Shirley when im with you i feel at peace, i feel i dont have to impress you. i fell i can sit and cuddle with you for hours and even care about anything else.
Your a goddess to me so beautiful making me feel important and accept me for who i am.
i would shoot my foot off but i need that to walk, so i can see u someday.
ur a naughty little goddess, im desperately attracted to.
do i have to like paint a picture of u naked like in titanic to get u to believe me?
and dont forget never time i come over im cooking you dinner.
you are either the nicest person i know or ur making fun of me.
ur a locked book that locked in a safe that inside of a blue whale who is frozen in ice. i wanna unlock it all though cause i wanna know you and i wanna understand you.
u can seduce me anytime.
why do u tease me so?
spent all night thinking about you.
miss everything about u
wanna lay next to you cause i like it and i love you and i want to
i have my only escape is getting and running cause i dont know the answer.
i dont want to see you sad i dont want you angry or depression i just want you to know im here
for you.
what do u want me to do, i care and want to know you feelings why cant you talk to me ill do anything just share a little bit.
i promise you that i will not become a dick and that i will not change who i am by doing this but its more of a way to show how much i want you.
i love you so much babe u making me really happy right now.
loooooooooooooooooooove you alot
love you and hope you have a tweet tweet day."
ok we need to do something so we can talk for hours about something.
when i was growing up, i was told never to say "cant" cause it was negative.
is it cant for u shirley or is it wont?
i would do so much for you, i call i try to make you happy, yeah i cant see you , i cant drive you places, but im nice to you when u are bitchy i treat you like goddess i try my best and i get nothing.
i miss you and love you.
i dont wanna break u and jj up.
then i want one thing, i want to let you know i truely love you and care, i think you are sexy no matter what you say, and ill stop with these ideas but i want you to call me for once and tell me something truthful.
when i say i love you, its a highest form of the word i rarely say it only say it when i truly mean it and that i care so much about that person.
not very often a pretty girl steals my words.
sweet carrying, somewhat bitchy at time but the bitchiness i can deal with, and see makes me really happy like i know i get all like bottle and stuff but the time i have been out with her it was fun even though i may of withdrawn but holding her and showing that im with her was fun, she's easy for me to talk to but sorta hard to understand and she want me to read her mind but i cant
and also she has a warm heart, that drives me crazy and she wonderful in bed and i tell her it all the time but i feel she doesnt believe me half the time.
if i could i would show her off so much
ur the best shirley.
i have to deal and stop causing so many problems for u.
ur in every dream, you in every thought ur in my mind so much now.
i cant read your mind no matter how much i want 2.
ur worth a life time of waiting.
last time im saying sorry for this but i want to be ask for forgiveness and ill stop trying so hard and over thinking so please talk ill be better.
Shirley when im with you i feel at peace, i feel i dont have to impress you. i fell i can sit and cuddle with you for hours and even care about anything else.
Your a goddess to me so beautiful making me feel important and accept me for who i am.
i would shoot my foot off but i need that to walk, so i can see u someday.
ur a naughty little goddess, im desperately attracted to.
do i have to like paint a picture of u naked like in titanic to get u to believe me?
and dont forget never time i come over im cooking you dinner.
you are either the nicest person i know or ur making fun of me.
ur a locked book that locked in a safe that inside of a blue whale who is frozen in ice. i wanna unlock it all though cause i wanna know you and i wanna understand you.
u can seduce me anytime.
why do u tease me so?
spent all night thinking about you.
miss everything about u
wanna lay next to you cause i like it and i love you and i want to
i have my only escape is getting and running cause i dont know the answer.
i dont want to see you sad i dont want you angry or depression i just want you to know im here
for you.
what do u want me to do, i care and want to know you feelings why cant you talk to me ill do anything just share a little bit.
i promise you that i will not become a dick and that i will not change who i am by doing this but its more of a way to show how much i want you.
i love you so much babe u making me really happy right now.
loooooooooooooooooooove you alot
love you and hope you have a tweet tweet day."
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
question of the day
So i want to ask a question, Now I've been looking into history for answers and to prepare me for the future. But i rationalized what i should and how i should deal with certian issues but my motta is don't worry about the past and just deal with the present but in the end i just hurt myself and others but i wanna know more about this person or subject but i dont want keep hurting myself and the other perosn or subject really what should i do?
Sunday, March 22, 2009
tonight
Sometimes I hate Jeremy. Don't u think people didn't tell me to not try to be with him. That he's a loser and he will just hurt me. Though I still told people and I told them to shove it. Well Fred was the only one who was good about it surprisingly.
I can't tell him how I feel about it cuz we have a fight every time and Jeremy starts being mean and just leaving me crying. I just want things he's not willing to give me or doesn't think their important enough. Though I do love him.
cute pic of Jaden
"your sexy, I love u and I'm crazy about u."
Friday, March 20, 2009
bitchy bitch bitch(fuck I'm in a horrible mood)
Jeremy u suck. end of discussion. Peiord.
I could go into a long thing about how stupid he's being with not wanting to make our relationship more world wide but fuck it. my status will just say single cuz i doubt he put he was in a relationship. cuz people would just bitch right.
If u told people we r together, then why did u say not get bitched at by people that dont like me? If u already told people having us as in a relationship shouldnt be a problem on facebook. I'm not even going to say who or what i was thinking.
U think its nuthin but it bothers me that u wont do this. It doesnt even feel offical until everyone I know knows, u know. It kind of hurts my feelings. I'm going through so much too being with him and he cant even have u know who bitch at him. fuck.
Plus Tim u ruin everything. Quit it now please im sick of fighting/crying. Its mad annoying.
Fred there's nuthin i can say that u dont already know. sowwie.
I'm really unhappy.
I was happy. What happened?
I could go into a long thing about how stupid he's being with not wanting to make our relationship more world wide but fuck it. my status will just say single cuz i doubt he put he was in a relationship. cuz people would just bitch right.
If u told people we r together, then why did u say not get bitched at by people that dont like me? If u already told people having us as in a relationship shouldnt be a problem on facebook. I'm not even going to say who or what i was thinking.
U think its nuthin but it bothers me that u wont do this. It doesnt even feel offical until everyone I know knows, u know. It kind of hurts my feelings. I'm going through so much too being with him and he cant even have u know who bitch at him. fuck.
Plus Tim u ruin everything. Quit it now please im sick of fighting/crying. Its mad annoying.
Fred there's nuthin i can say that u dont already know. sowwie.
I'm really unhappy.
I was happy. What happened?
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Dating
I'm going out with Jeremy again. I had to end things with Fred and it was the hardest thing i ever had to do. I hate it so much. I want him in my life but it is to difficult. I'm trying to be happy that I'm with Jeremy again but all these bad things are happening cuz of it, its hard to just focus on him.
Monday, March 16, 2009
oh no
I'm back to being confused again. Always happens when I see Jeremy. It was nice seeing him though. I don't know how he's feeling. He seems lonely. We sort of talked about Fred. He doesn't like that I have sex with him and I don't blame him. I don't know Jeremy says a lot of shit so I don't know if he misses me. He seemed sad when I said I really like Fred. Though I don't know if I wouldn't still jump at the chance to be with him again. sigh. I wish things were simple.
I'm getting tired of being single and I want a relationship that won't end in a couple of weeks.
I'm getting tired of being single and I want a relationship that won't end in a couple of weeks.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
oh jeez
Me + Fred = Love
I need sleep! it's 6:30 am and I can't sleep. So my weekend didn't turn out the way I planned. It had it's ups and downs. Tim, Me, and Fred had our issues but we tried to all be together. Though they both get jealous.
Jeremy told me that he likes Kassy or liked or w/e it is now. It made me realized why he was such a asshole motherfucker to me. He liked someone else and I was in the way annoying him. He liked her and tried to have sex with her and I was of no use anymore. He liked her and want to talk to her not me. He liked her and wanted to see her and not me. He liked her and wanted to be nice to her not me. He liked her and didn't want me anymore cuz he got sick of me and thought a causal sex thing with her is so much better cuz they had some deep connection bullshit. Yea and people call me the whore when I am not in the least doing causal sex or ever want to anymore.
I am happy right now it's a fucking miracle.
Now I need sleep or Jaden's hyperiness will be the death of me seriously.
I need sleep! it's 6:30 am and I can't sleep. So my weekend didn't turn out the way I planned. It had it's ups and downs. Tim, Me, and Fred had our issues but we tried to all be together. Though they both get jealous.
Jeremy told me that he likes Kassy or liked or w/e it is now. It made me realized why he was such a asshole motherfucker to me. He liked someone else and I was in the way annoying him. He liked her and tried to have sex with her and I was of no use anymore. He liked her and want to talk to her not me. He liked her and wanted to see her and not me. He liked her and wanted to be nice to her not me. He liked her and didn't want me anymore cuz he got sick of me and thought a causal sex thing with her is so much better cuz they had some deep connection bullshit. Yea and people call me the whore when I am not in the least doing causal sex or ever want to anymore.
I am happy right now it's a fucking miracle.
Now I need sleep or Jaden's hyperiness will be the death of me seriously.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
fun day
I had a nice day today. My dad can't pick up Jaden for the rest of the week. Tim said he would and try to for everyday. Also bring Jaden to Jeremy's house on Friday for this weekend. He says his car isn't safe. hmmm. Me and Tim picked up the car seat and Jaden. We went to IHOP yay in west Springfield. Then we went to Kmart to buy diapers. Jaden was being a royal pain the butt. I still need to pay my cable bill and return my clothes that don't fit at Marshalls. It's been a nice week so far :)
damn it
All I want right now is to see Jeremy. I want to drive over there right now. Jeremy would call me stalker or something. oh god I can't do this again I need to stop even if I do miss him. :(
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Another Day of Shopping
I went shopping at the Holyoke Mall with Tim and Fred. I bought 2 new bras and a shirt at this new store near DEBS. Also got a new iTouch and apple headphones with a remote and a mic. I wanted to go somewhere this weekend but Tim needs to do some Saint pattys thing with family in New Hampshire. I forgot about it guess that's why Nate is having a big party on Saturday and everyone is gonna get trashed. I doubt Jeremy would miss it.
I use to read this when I thought of getting back together with Jeremy (100th post woot)
Since I was thinking of Jeremy in that way again I thought a blast to the past was needed.
You’re so full of shit Shirley you know that. EVERY single time we argue, I tell you why the fuck I’m mad at you. It's like you’re just not listening. I think it's sad that anyone who reads this blog is going to get such a distorted view of you and I.
Why don't I make this nice and clear right here and now so no one can dispute it. This will be my last post here.
I don't want to be with you. I don't want to date you. I don't want to marry you. I don't want to mess around with you. I don't want to hang out with you. I don't want anything to do with you outside of Jaden. I don't like you at all. You ruined my life in an irreparable way. and for that I will never forgive you. Whether you are or not, my OPINION of you is that you are a whore. Plain and simple. I can't make this any simpler.
PLEASE:
stop asking me to see you
stop asking me to go back out with you
stop asking me to marry you
leave me alone
WE ARE OVER. I don't care who's fault it is, because that doesn't change the fact that it is over.
Bitch Moment (Get Offended) :
The stupid thing is everytime I bitch or say something bitchy to Jeremy he is quick to post it on facebook or tell someone I'm bitching at him about something. He likes to make me the bad guy and people to be on his side on. Its understandable. I could say sowwie I didnt mean it a second later but that doesnt matter to Jeremy. He might think I'm a bitch for this and I'm wrong but if he really looked he would see I'm right. And what do I care the people he knows dont know me just know what Jeremy says about me. It could go both ways I guess. I had my moments of course when I'm angry but.........
I have changed and still changing for that matter. I'm not perfect but I can say I'm a better person now.
Can u Jeremy?
You’re so full of shit Shirley you know that. EVERY single time we argue, I tell you why the fuck I’m mad at you. It's like you’re just not listening. I think it's sad that anyone who reads this blog is going to get such a distorted view of you and I.
Why don't I make this nice and clear right here and now so no one can dispute it. This will be my last post here.
I don't want to be with you. I don't want to date you. I don't want to marry you. I don't want to mess around with you. I don't want to hang out with you. I don't want anything to do with you outside of Jaden. I don't like you at all. You ruined my life in an irreparable way. and for that I will never forgive you. Whether you are or not, my OPINION of you is that you are a whore. Plain and simple. I can't make this any simpler.
PLEASE:
stop asking me to see you
stop asking me to go back out with you
stop asking me to marry you
leave me alone
WE ARE OVER. I don't care who's fault it is, because that doesn't change the fact that it is over.
If you actually read what i wrote:
"I don't care who's fault it is" How is that saying your at fault for everything? Your the only one trying to assign blame to our shitty relationship.
You didn't just ask me to go to a dad's group. You asked me to go to the LAST dad's group (meaning i won't know anyone there and won't have known what's been going on) not to mention the dads groups aren't anything like the moms groups. The max we've ever had has been like 3-4 guys INCLUDING ME. Why the fuck would i go to that?
Then about your iTunes. I've been telling you for YEARS get a fucking debit card and your own account, because if I'm not around you won't be able to fix your own shit. In order to authorize your shit so you can use your stuff and still get your 1000 stupid free apps i have to register MY ACCOUNT which is linked to MY CREDIT CARD. Meaning you could get all psycho pissy at me and charge up anything you wanted. I'm not stupid enough to let that happen.
Now you don't see me making a thousand posts on my shit about what an asshole bitch slut you are do you? How about you quit fucking talking shit about me every god damn chance you get.
"I don't care who's fault it is" How is that saying your at fault for everything? Your the only one trying to assign blame to our shitty relationship.
You didn't just ask me to go to a dad's group. You asked me to go to the LAST dad's group (meaning i won't know anyone there and won't have known what's been going on) not to mention the dads groups aren't anything like the moms groups. The max we've ever had has been like 3-4 guys INCLUDING ME. Why the fuck would i go to that?
Then about your iTunes. I've been telling you for YEARS get a fucking debit card and your own account, because if I'm not around you won't be able to fix your own shit. In order to authorize your shit so you can use your stuff and still get your 1000 stupid free apps i have to register MY ACCOUNT which is linked to MY CREDIT CARD. Meaning you could get all psycho pissy at me and charge up anything you wanted. I'm not stupid enough to let that happen.
Now you don't see me making a thousand posts on my shit about what an asshole bitch slut you are do you? How about you quit fucking talking shit about me every god damn chance you get.
P.S. I'm an asshole to YOU, not to everyone.
omg I never got 1000 apps and I never ever charged anything to ur credit card. I always bought gift cards u bastard and I never would cuz I'm not like that. and I know how much ur in debt and how ur trying to pay shit off. I'm not as heartless as u, I never even though about it being ur credit card. look my livejournal post to my facebook so when I'm mad and vent about u it comes here. and I have no clue how to undo it. it's was some import button that I can't seem to find twice.
p.s. ur just an asshole in general sowwie had to let it slip
p.s. ur just an asshole in general sowwie had to let it slip
The stupid thing is everytime I bitch or say something bitchy to Jeremy he is quick to post it on facebook or tell someone I'm bitching at him about something. He likes to make me the bad guy and people to be on his side on. Its understandable. I could say sowwie I didnt mean it a second later but that doesnt matter to Jeremy. He might think I'm a bitch for this and I'm wrong but if he really looked he would see I'm right. And what do I care the people he knows dont know me just know what Jeremy says about me. It could go both ways I guess. I had my moments of course when I'm angry but.........
I have changed and still changing for that matter. I'm not perfect but I can say I'm a better person now.
tim to me facebook thing
1. Where you and I met:
online but if you want in person at the hadley mall for our first date.
2. Take a stab at my middle name:
Joann (it's spelled Joanne)
3. How long you've known me:
6 years still going to
4. The last time that we saw each other:
today i spent the day with you. ill tell you it was nice just being with you and not fighting
5. Would I ever go sky diving?:
no i dont think so but then again you have shocked me before
6. Your first impression of me upon meeting me/seeing me:
i remember looking at you and i was in shock you where so pretty and i was so scared you wouldnt like me...but you looked like a goddess to me.
7. Am I funny?:
you can be but most of the time its when your mad :)
8. Can I sing?:
i think you sing very well
9. The best thing about me:
the best thing about you is how you always give us another try even when i dont deserve it not to mention you keep me in line and out of trouble.
10. What do I want to do more than anything?:
to get out of the house and just have a good life
11. What is one thing that you think I should do?:
Fine a way to be happy no matter what that means
12. Do I have any special talents? If so, what are they?:
you have this great talent for being a pain in my butt
13. Have you ever hugged me?:
yes and i try to as much as i can
14. If there was one good nickname for me, it would be:
i still like sweetie i mean ive only called you it for 5 years now
15. Your favorite memory of me:
my favorite memory of you is the first movie we saw togther. when i held you and all i could think of was how i never wanted the night to end and how you made me feel..i never wanna forget it.
16. If you could only say one thing to me before I died what would it be?
The only thing that would matter to me which is telling you that no matter what ive said or done that i love you now and forever and it will never change and you where the best thing to ever happen in my life.
17. If you could change one thing about me what would it be?
how pigheaded you can be ;)
18. If you had 1 nice thing to say about me what would it be?
how loving and caring you can be to a complete asshole.
19. Would you party all night with me?
i would if i could keep up with you
20. Am i someone who you would like to be stranded with on a desert island with?
well lets see....me and you alone on an island with me doing all the work and doing whatever you said, i would love every moment of it....but you would wanna kill me after a week lol
21. Will you re-post this so I can fill this out for you? no but if you wanna put somthing back i would like a lot
online but if you want in person at the hadley mall for our first date.
2. Take a stab at my middle name:
Joann (it's spelled Joanne)
3. How long you've known me:
6 years still going to
4. The last time that we saw each other:
today i spent the day with you. ill tell you it was nice just being with you and not fighting
5. Would I ever go sky diving?:
no i dont think so but then again you have shocked me before
6. Your first impression of me upon meeting me/seeing me:
i remember looking at you and i was in shock you where so pretty and i was so scared you wouldnt like me...but you looked like a goddess to me.
7. Am I funny?:
you can be but most of the time its when your mad :)
8. Can I sing?:
i think you sing very well
9. The best thing about me:
the best thing about you is how you always give us another try even when i dont deserve it not to mention you keep me in line and out of trouble.
10. What do I want to do more than anything?:
to get out of the house and just have a good life
11. What is one thing that you think I should do?:
Fine a way to be happy no matter what that means
12. Do I have any special talents? If so, what are they?:
you have this great talent for being a pain in my butt
13. Have you ever hugged me?:
yes and i try to as much as i can
14. If there was one good nickname for me, it would be:
i still like sweetie i mean ive only called you it for 5 years now
15. Your favorite memory of me:
my favorite memory of you is the first movie we saw togther. when i held you and all i could think of was how i never wanted the night to end and how you made me feel..i never wanna forget it.
16. If you could only say one thing to me before I died what would it be?
The only thing that would matter to me which is telling you that no matter what ive said or done that i love you now and forever and it will never change and you where the best thing to ever happen in my life.
17. If you could change one thing about me what would it be?
how pigheaded you can be ;)
18. If you had 1 nice thing to say about me what would it be?
how loving and caring you can be to a complete asshole.
19. Would you party all night with me?
i would if i could keep up with you
20. Am i someone who you would like to be stranded with on a desert island with?
well lets see....me and you alone on an island with me doing all the work and doing whatever you said, i would love every moment of it....but you would wanna kill me after a week lol
21. Will you re-post this so I can fill this out for you? no but if you wanna put somthing back i would like a lot
Monday, March 9, 2009
parenting with someone u dont get along with
I always feel bad when Jaden ask to see Jeremy. He was asking to see him today and a lot lately, it makes me sad to tell him he's not gonna come over. This is the one reason I hate when we dont talk anymore. I cant ask him to come over to see Jaden cuz knowing Jeremy he will make it into something like lets see I'm using Jaden and all the bullshit he has said in the past. It's just sad and really sad that Jeremy doesnt seem to care or hides really well. I mean if he wanted to see Jaden he would, i know neither of us want to see each other but still 4 days a month is pathetic. There's not even a daily phone call. The only other time he sees Jaden is if I ask him to pick him up or me and Jeremy r fucking again and he comes over. Grr this is why u should have a child with someone who actually likes u cuz then u won't become the reason ur child never sees his father.
Now I feel like shit again :(
I feel like a failure that I couldnt keep the love of my life or the father of my child and actually have a family. I fail. boo me.
Anyways guys keep asking me and hitting on me wanting to meet or wanting me to be their girlfriend and I really dont like it. Seriously I'm not as whoreish as everyone thinks. It just bothers me and I dont want to date or sleep around. Then wtf am I suppose to do? be a nun? Fuck that I doubt Jeremy has this problem.
Now I feel like shit again :(
I feel like a failure that I couldnt keep the love of my life or the father of my child and actually have a family. I fail. boo me.
Anyways guys keep asking me and hitting on me wanting to meet or wanting me to be their girlfriend and I really dont like it. Seriously I'm not as whoreish as everyone thinks. It just bothers me and I dont want to date or sleep around. Then wtf am I suppose to do? be a nun? Fuck that I doubt Jeremy has this problem.
amaziness (it could work)
I was very bitchy and mad over not being able to finding my iTouch. Then I went shopping and it really does help to buy new clothes. And of course I look fabulous in them :) I got 2 pairs of jeans and two of the same shirt but one in purple and blue. Then a cute red tank top and one of those vests in gray. Also the upseting news my boobs are growing grrr. I couldn't even fit in a 34 C and now I have to return the bra I got. Plue the hello kitty pjs cuz my god damn boobs didnt fit. I needed new clothes cuz Spring Break is coming and plans are in the works for an adventure. Still trying to figure out the best place to go or if a Road Trip is needed. Also money too blah.
Hopefully Jaden will be watched. I mean for one thing my mom's van isnt working this week they need a new something something and the place was out of stock. SO getting Jaden to and from daycare is gonna be a nightmare. Plus I dont think my mom can get to work but idk they borrow Hanna's car but they cant do it all the time u know and maybe in the mornings but in the afternoon to pick up Jaden idk. Today my mom asked if I could get Jaden and I told her I couldn't. It's stressful but it has to be done u know. Also I have midterms this week so I cant stand home with Jaden. In the end things will work out and I'll do what I can.
Hopefully Jaden will be watched. I mean for one thing my mom's van isnt working this week they need a new something something and the place was out of stock. SO getting Jaden to and from daycare is gonna be a nightmare. Plus I dont think my mom can get to work but idk they borrow Hanna's car but they cant do it all the time u know and maybe in the mornings but in the afternoon to pick up Jaden idk. Today my mom asked if I could get Jaden and I told her I couldn't. It's stressful but it has to be done u know. Also I have midterms this week so I cant stand home with Jaden. In the end things will work out and I'll do what I can.
iTouch
I'm really fucking mad that I cant find my iTouch and that Jaden lost it. AND i have been looking and so has Tim for 2 ish days now. And if I dont find it im screwed cuz I cant get another one. ANd i love my iTouch wtf I always have it. One thing I probably couldnt live without. This blows!
Jaden Lewis Photo Album
I thought I would try out iMovie but didnt have videos made so I made a photo album of Jaden's life so far basicly.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
LoveGame- Lady GaGa
Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
I wanna kiss you
But if I do then I might miss you, babe
It's complicated and stupid
Got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid
Guess he wants to play, wants to play
I love game, I love game
Hold me and love me
Just want touch you for a minute
Baby three seconds is in it for my heart to quit it
Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Don't think too much, just bust that thick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
are you in the game?
Through the love game
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
Are you in the game?
through the love game
I'm on a mission and it involves some heavy touching, yeah
You've indicated your interest, I'm educated in sex, yes
and now I want it bad, want it bad
I love game, I love game
Hold me and love me
Just want touch you for a minute
Baby three seconds is in it for my heart to quit it
Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Don't think too much, just bust that thick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
are you in the game?
Through the love game
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
Are you in the game?
through the love game
I can see you staring there from across the block
with a smile on your mouth and your hand on your c (huh!)
The story of us, it always starts the same
A boy and a girl and a (huh!) and a game
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
are you in the game?
Through the love game
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
Are you in the game?
through the love game
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
are you in the game?
Through the love game
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
Are you in the game?
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
I wanna kiss you
But if I do then I might miss you, babe
It's complicated and stupid
Got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid
Guess he wants to play, wants to play
I love game, I love game
Hold me and love me
Just want touch you for a minute
Baby three seconds is in it for my heart to quit it
Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Don't think too much, just bust that thick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
are you in the game?
Through the love game
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
Are you in the game?
through the love game
I'm on a mission and it involves some heavy touching, yeah
You've indicated your interest, I'm educated in sex, yes
and now I want it bad, want it bad
I love game, I love game
Hold me and love me
Just want touch you for a minute
Baby three seconds is in it for my heart to quit it
Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Don't think too much, just bust that thick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
are you in the game?
Through the love game
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
Are you in the game?
through the love game
I can see you staring there from across the block
with a smile on your mouth and your hand on your c (huh!)
The story of us, it always starts the same
A boy and a girl and a (huh!) and a game
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
are you in the game?
Through the love game
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
Are you in the game?
through the love game
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
are you in the game?
Through the love game
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
Are you in the game?
through the love game
Weekend love
One of the better weekends I've had in a long time. I was actually happy and someone was actually happy to be around me and was saying how happy I make them instead of the usual "u make me so unhappy." I forgot how different I act with other people since I usually see the same people and being around them brings out the worst in me. I mean yea I'm bitchy and i maybe give u an attitude but at least he didnt take it how they do. Also got my period again grrrrrrrr!! There's no need to freak out at me for a moment of bitchiness. And when the moment is gone and I wanna hold u, u do it instead of pulling away cuz I'm acting like a bitch. And I fucking hate when the next day u say I ruined the whole day cuz I was such a bitch or was bitchy the whole time. There's no need for that everyone has their moments. I felt understood this weekend. U need patience to deal with me and Jeremy doesnt with me he's to quick to leave or fight or freak out over something that I probably didnt mean. But I can't say I have never been that way with Jeremy. He just gets under my skin sometimes that even the littlest thing could set me off. But enough about Jeremy he doesnt have anything to do with my life. I'm back to reality now where mostly everything sucks oh well it can't be the weekend forever. :P
Need to start going to the gym again. Have midterms then Spring Break! Maybe I can actually go somewhere this time. I was thinking of buying some tickets :) Though gotta figure out about Jaden hmmm.
Need to start going to the gym again. Have midterms then Spring Break! Maybe I can actually go somewhere this time. I was thinking of buying some tickets :) Though gotta figure out about Jaden hmmm.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Tim didnt tell me about this morons
Amber Liimatainen
March 5 at 3:49pm
Reply
Tim told shirley about the post. If you read up more you would know.
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Rebecca Sanborn
March 5 at 3:50pm
Reply
I can't the shit is too long for my phone:-)
*~*Becka*~*
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Amber Liimatainen
March 5 at 3:50pm
Reply
Ohhh
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Jeremy Lewis
March 5 at 3:51pm
Reply
I'm not friends with tim or shirley so I can't read that stuff.
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Amber Liimatainen
March 5 at 3:52pm
Reply
I'm not friends with either of them. Both shady people if you ask me.
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Nate Malecki
Add as Friend
March 5 at 4:03pm
Reply
Shirley is just a whore. Nothing really shady there. What you see is what you get. Tim is a sketchball and a half though.
Amy Purcell
March 5 at 7:44pm
Reply
hahaha to all of this. Jeremy, did you not see the loooooooong conversation between shirley and my boyfriend on my page a while back? She is a fucking NUTJOB. Whatever though.... she can keep being a hoe, and possibly (if she hasn't already) stop spreading the "gift that keeps on giving"
one of the people who thinks Jeremy is way out of line keeps sending me this. I'm not naming names but it sure isn't tim. morons all of them. Yea im a whore who has slept with 2 people for like 2 years now and just wants her ex bf but he's a complete asshole. And Jeremy isn't even friends with tim on facebook so why would he send it to him? Amber is a dumb bitch if she thinks that.
March 5 at 3:49pm
Reply
Tim told shirley about the post. If you read up more you would know.
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Rebecca Sanborn
March 5 at 3:50pm
Reply
I can't the shit is too long for my phone:-)
*~*Becka*~*
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Amber Liimatainen
March 5 at 3:50pm
Reply
Ohhh
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Jeremy Lewis
March 5 at 3:51pm
Reply
I'm not friends with tim or shirley so I can't read that stuff.
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Amber Liimatainen
March 5 at 3:52pm
Reply
I'm not friends with either of them. Both shady people if you ask me.
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Nate Malecki
Add as Friend
March 5 at 4:03pm
Reply
Shirley is just a whore. Nothing really shady there. What you see is what you get. Tim is a sketchball and a half though.
Amy Purcell
March 5 at 7:44pm
Reply
hahaha to all of this. Jeremy, did you not see the loooooooong conversation between shirley and my boyfriend on my page a while back? She is a fucking NUTJOB. Whatever though.... she can keep being a hoe, and possibly (if she hasn't already) stop spreading the "gift that keeps on giving"
one of the people who thinks Jeremy is way out of line keeps sending me this. I'm not naming names but it sure isn't tim. morons all of them. Yea im a whore who has slept with 2 people for like 2 years now and just wants her ex bf but he's a complete asshole. And Jeremy isn't even friends with tim on facebook so why would he send it to him? Amber is a dumb bitch if she thinks that.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
unforgiveable
Do you guys think you could do me a favor, and if your not friends with shirley, please remove her as a friend from your facebook. She goes around adding all my friends so that she can watch what i say to people and most of the time just ends up bitching at me for whatever i say.
If your actually friends with her, then go ahead and keep her if you want, otherwise i would greatly appreciate you guys removing her.
Thank you all,
-Jeremy
Shirley
Between Nate Malecki, Kassy Mimitz, Amber Liimatainen, Rebecca Sanborn, Sun Lew, Adam Bushey, You, Shelly Hallock, John Meehan, Amy Purcell, Amy Taupier and Jeremy Lewis
Amy Taupier------------aww you poor kid
Rebecca Sanborn-----
I'll delete her when i'm actually near a computer:-) tomorrow
*~*Becka*~*
Nate Malecki----lol no skin off my back. I'll delete, mang.
Adam Bushey---------fuck yea :D
Amber Liimatainen----That I'd give you a big "Woot!" for the helll of it. :)
Jeremy Lewis
Somehow she already knows about it and has begun her bitching about this too.
Adam Bushey i kno i saw that ROFL TIM!!!!! DUN DUN DUN
Rebecca Sanborn O
(thanks to the person who send this to me)
This is upsetting. I dont use these people to check up on Jeremy. And I'm not friends with even some of the people he send it to. I started delete some of them already just cuz I cant stand it anymore. It hurts less if I delete them before they delete me. He has really gone to a new low. Now i know he tells these people all this shit about me and thats why they dont like me cuz of his lies and his one sided stories. But to actually tell people to not be friends with me is just hateful and cold. I didnt know he was so ugly inside and had an big enough ego to think that. I'm not bitching but he's a dirtbag for doing this. I really thought deep down he cared about me that if i kept trying he would see that he needs to stop judging me and living in the past cuz im not the same person, im not as horrible as he says.
I already dont have any friends. I put Jeremy above everyone else. I never saw anyone cuz he was around a lot and no one really liked him and i told them that Jeremy was there to stay and they told me i was an idiot for picking him. Now I dont click good with girls and anyone i did Jeremy always messed it up one way or another the friendship ended. I am better with guys but Jeremy didnt want me hanging around guys. It was a fight to keep tim and Jeremy force me to give him up once or twice. And tim would also try to make me choose him or Jeremy. But I couldnt give Jeremy up, i love him more than anything.
It's not all his fault I changed. There was other guys. Guys flirting with me and me too. I changed though and he still thinks i'm that same person. I would give up almost anything to be with him again and that is so sad cuz he doesnt deserve it.
This is the hardest thing that I have to do and it's really breaking my heart and I can bearly see from the tears now.
If your actually friends with her, then go ahead and keep her if you want, otherwise i would greatly appreciate you guys removing her.
Thank you all,
-Jeremy
Shirley
Between Nate Malecki, Kassy Mimitz, Amber Liimatainen, Rebecca Sanborn, Sun Lew, Adam Bushey, You, Shelly Hallock, John Meehan, Amy Purcell, Amy Taupier and Jeremy Lewis
Amy Taupier------------aww you poor kid
Rebecca Sanborn-----
I'll delete her when i'm actually near a computer:-) tomorrow
*~*Becka*~*
Nate Malecki----lol no skin off my back. I'll delete, mang.
Adam Bushey---------fuck yea :D
Amber Liimatainen----That I'd give you a big "Woot!" for the helll of it. :)
Jeremy Lewis
Somehow she already knows about it and has begun her bitching about this too.
Adam Bushey i kno i saw that ROFL TIM!!!!! DUN DUN DUN
Rebecca Sanborn O
(thanks to the person who send this to me)
This is upsetting. I dont use these people to check up on Jeremy. And I'm not friends with even some of the people he send it to. I started delete some of them already just cuz I cant stand it anymore. It hurts less if I delete them before they delete me. He has really gone to a new low. Now i know he tells these people all this shit about me and thats why they dont like me cuz of his lies and his one sided stories. But to actually tell people to not be friends with me is just hateful and cold. I didnt know he was so ugly inside and had an big enough ego to think that. I'm not bitching but he's a dirtbag for doing this. I really thought deep down he cared about me that if i kept trying he would see that he needs to stop judging me and living in the past cuz im not the same person, im not as horrible as he says.
I already dont have any friends. I put Jeremy above everyone else. I never saw anyone cuz he was around a lot and no one really liked him and i told them that Jeremy was there to stay and they told me i was an idiot for picking him. Now I dont click good with girls and anyone i did Jeremy always messed it up one way or another the friendship ended. I am better with guys but Jeremy didnt want me hanging around guys. It was a fight to keep tim and Jeremy force me to give him up once or twice. And tim would also try to make me choose him or Jeremy. But I couldnt give Jeremy up, i love him more than anything.
It's not all his fault I changed. There was other guys. Guys flirting with me and me too. I changed though and he still thinks i'm that same person. I would give up almost anything to be with him again and that is so sad cuz he doesnt deserve it.
This is the hardest thing that I have to do and it's really breaking my heart and I can bearly see from the tears now.
what i thought when u were talking
look jeremy i dont cause trouble for u ok. i would be nice to u if u could not ruin everything all the time. i cant talk eat do anything without u saying something negative. i dont deserve how u treat me cuz all i ever wanted was u. and i cant ever have it and i hate it and i hate u. if u actually wanted to be with me i wouldn't be what i am right now. Sometimes I wish I never met u so i wouldn't be so fucking crazy when it comes to u. ur mean and rude and couldn't care less about my feelings. Ur not who i fell in love with and I wish he would come back so I can start being myself again and not some crazy jealous bitch.
The real u is rare to see and when he comes out I try to hold on to him for dear life but is always thrown overboard cuz he has to make everything so hard and himself so impossible to love.
I want so much for everything i say to u to not be turned into a fight or u take as something its not. I bearly get to say anything or try to explain that its not what u think and ur taking it the wrong way. I'm sick of feeling used and helpless.
What's the point of being nice to u? It makes me look weak and makes it hurt more when u tell me u hate me and i make u unhappy and u dont wanna see me. But I'm sick of hearing all i do is bitch at him.
Jaden has a appt in an hour gotta get ready
The real u is rare to see and when he comes out I try to hold on to him for dear life but is always thrown overboard cuz he has to make everything so hard and himself so impossible to love.
I want so much for everything i say to u to not be turned into a fight or u take as something its not. I bearly get to say anything or try to explain that its not what u think and ur taking it the wrong way. I'm sick of feeling used and helpless.
What's the point of being nice to u? It makes me look weak and makes it hurt more when u tell me u hate me and i make u unhappy and u dont wanna see me. But I'm sick of hearing all i do is bitch at him.
Jaden has a appt in an hour gotta get ready
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
me dancing around like a loser cuz im bored
im so stupid sometimes. This is what I do when I'm bored.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
sex and the city
Omg. I just realized my love life is like carrie and Mr. big. That is so sad. Though they get married at the end of the movie after he stands her up and a year goes by. But it's like 10 years in the making.
Randomness: I want a big juciy burger right now!
Randomness: I want a big juciy burger right now!
Monday, March 2, 2009
why am I like this?
Jeremy is at the not talking to me stage again. I dont even know what he's doing. I text him and he didn't answer. And of course I'm at the paranoid stage. ugh.
Stupid snow day. Jaden is very cranky and hungry 24/7.
I havent been to the gym in forever and should probably go tomorrow or something. Though I look like shit and shouldn't be out in public.
There is no food in my house that I would actually eat except candy hmm....problem big problem.
Broke. need to pay bills.buy food. and a million things I cant think of at the moment.
I do need a job. oh well. my rent is just so high and pretty much sucks ass.
Fred wants to see me this week but idk for some reason i'm having second thoughts. But why? I mean Jeremy wants to move on and i'm not important anymore. I mean he can go days weeks without talking or thinking about me. He doesnt wanna hang out include me in his plans or life. I'm a nobody to him, oh i forgot all i am is one of his baby mamas(there will be more).
If we didn't have Jaden together we wouldnt even speak or see each other. I wouldnt be some sex thing instead of being in a real relationship.
ugh why am i thinking this? life sucks seriously.
Stupid snow day. Jaden is very cranky and hungry 24/7.
I havent been to the gym in forever and should probably go tomorrow or something. Though I look like shit and shouldn't be out in public.
There is no food in my house that I would actually eat except candy hmm....problem big problem.
Broke. need to pay bills.buy food. and a million things I cant think of at the moment.
I do need a job. oh well. my rent is just so high and pretty much sucks ass.
Fred wants to see me this week but idk for some reason i'm having second thoughts. But why? I mean Jeremy wants to move on and i'm not important anymore. I mean he can go days weeks without talking or thinking about me. He doesnt wanna hang out include me in his plans or life. I'm a nobody to him, oh i forgot all i am is one of his baby mamas(there will be more).
If we didn't have Jaden together we wouldnt even speak or see each other. I wouldnt be some sex thing instead of being in a real relationship.
ugh why am i thinking this? life sucks seriously.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
thinking isnt helpful
I don't understand Jeremy much. How can he expect me to make him happy when he tells me he never wants to be with me and tells me to leave him alone and doesn't want to talk to me. Like today he acted all mad pissy when i said bye. I'm like what was that about and he's like its the way u said it. What im suppose to say bye happily when he's leaving cuz he hates me and doesnt want to be around me? I cant be nice to him when all i can think about all the mean things he says and how he hates everything about me and just has sex with me cuz he's not with someone at the moment. The only time im happy or nice is when I think there's hope like before he freaked out.
I just finished the break-up diet. It was good. I saw it on a someone's blog and i got an email for the ebook download so i read it in preview. I am trying to make sense of my life after my break up but im still not there. I'm just confused on what to actually do. move on keep trying its hard when Jeremy changes his mind 24/7. He wants to leave and I don't want him to. I want more and he wants less. I love him and he hates me/loves me sort of. I mean he doesnt really say it anymore and mostly if i say it first. sigh. I hate this part. I'm at the point where I dont even want him going out at all cuz he will find some chick who will have sex with him. And like he said he doesnt tell me anything anymore and we dont even talk about anything real. If he actually wanted to be with me things would be different between us. I wouldnt be as bitchy paranoid crying about how i dont even matter moody bitter annoyed. Jeremy is just scared thats why he picks fights and has whole blow outs over nuthin and ruins things when its finally not horrible.
Now were back at the beginning. I'm sick of always going backwards. I wanna move forward. With him or without him but I'm sick of being stuck in the past. I wanna move forward together but what I want never happens anymore.
I just finished the break-up diet. It was good. I saw it on a someone's blog and i got an email for the ebook download so i read it in preview. I am trying to make sense of my life after my break up but im still not there. I'm just confused on what to actually do. move on keep trying its hard when Jeremy changes his mind 24/7. He wants to leave and I don't want him to. I want more and he wants less. I love him and he hates me/loves me sort of. I mean he doesnt really say it anymore and mostly if i say it first. sigh. I hate this part. I'm at the point where I dont even want him going out at all cuz he will find some chick who will have sex with him. And like he said he doesnt tell me anything anymore and we dont even talk about anything real. If he actually wanted to be with me things would be different between us. I wouldnt be as bitchy paranoid crying about how i dont even matter moody bitter annoyed. Jeremy is just scared thats why he picks fights and has whole blow outs over nuthin and ruins things when its finally not horrible.
Now were back at the beginning. I'm sick of always going backwards. I wanna move forward. With him or without him but I'm sick of being stuck in the past. I wanna move forward together but what I want never happens anymore.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
skanky hello kitty
This is skanky hello kitty. Jeremy got it for me yesterday for my birthday as u know. I love it :)
shitty birthday
what a shitty birthday. oh well didnt expect anything much. Jeremy took me to build a bear and got me a hello kitty bear. Which was nice of him since he never wants to be with me again cuz he's not fucking "happy" with me. Jeremy almost blew me off(cuz i got mad that he said" and that's why i dont tell u anything"), he was mocking me in the car cuz i was naming off states on plates, he comments on how i eat and walk all the time. He cant just leave it alone he has to pick at me. I had to put my headphones on cuz i couldnt take it I would of bitch him out the whole day. Oh well i cant expect him to ever admit it and it just makes me mad. Im just gonna eat food and watch tv.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Birthday
ITS MY MOTHER FUCKING BIRTHDAY!
its gonna be really boring cuz i will get no gifts and will probably do nuthin possibly not sure yet. Im gonna see tim maybe and Jeremy. Its also his weekend with Jaden.
its gonna be really boring cuz i will get no gifts and will probably do nuthin possibly not sure yet. Im gonna see tim maybe and Jeremy. Its also his weekend with Jaden.
Publish Post
Thursday, February 26, 2009
it just is
tomorrow is my birthday and I see I'm gonna be alone like always while everyone is with everyone else. I don't see much people as it is usually only tim and jeremy.
tim won't talk to me he's to busy being an asshole doing the usual thing he does when we fight. see that katie bitch do w/e he wants with her and everyone else. it makes me sick and hurts my feelings but he doesn't give a shit about me or how I feel.
anyways I have an exam today. which totally sucks so bad. and the fact no more video chats :( also sucks. My computer isn't really working on my iPod right now. I just threw up on myself really ducking gross. I couldn't stop coughing and that's basicly how that happened.
I'm hungry. I'm lonely. I'm hot. my hair is just gross and I'm sick of vomit. I'll be better and so will Jaden. He fell asleep on the couch and I think my bed is safe enough to sleep on.
tim won't talk to me he's to busy being an asshole doing the usual thing he does when we fight. see that katie bitch do w/e he wants with her and everyone else. it makes me sick and hurts my feelings but he doesn't give a shit about me or how I feel.
anyways I have an exam today. which totally sucks so bad. and the fact no more video chats :( also sucks. My computer isn't really working on my iPod right now. I just threw up on myself really ducking gross. I couldn't stop coughing and that's basicly how that happened.
I'm hungry. I'm lonely. I'm hot. my hair is just gross and I'm sick of vomit. I'll be better and so will Jaden. He fell asleep on the couch and I think my bed is safe enough to sleep on.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
sick
I'm to fucking sick to do any sort of video blog and I look like shit anyways so that's soooo not happening. I've been sick for like a week it's annoying. but I feel like I'm getting soo hopefully I can do my exams on tuesday and Thursday. Jaden is going to a double birthday party at 5. I'm hungry and trying to eat something that would make me sick or taste like shitty shit shit.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
grrrrrr video blogging
Its not working I cant figure it out. i cant use youtube cuz its saying file fail to small and i cant use blogger cuz video from macjournal doesnt have right format or something and the add video button keeps disappearing. one moment its there and then its done wtf.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Jeremy keep bugging me to join Twitter so i did. I but the widget on my blog so follow me! I dont really get it. Seem weird but hopefully I'll figure it out.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
today
Well i am feeling like crap. I was sicky all day with the worst headache. They were working outside at 8 am and it was so loud outside my place then next door cuz i guess my douche neighbors moved. They must really hate me and Jaden. Tim and me have been fighting. He came over and it wasnt so bad until he found out I've been talking to Chris Jones. He freaked out and forbid me to see him talk to him and i had to delete him. He sounded like i do when we talk about that katie skank. He was so paranoid and crazy. He hates him cuz he broke into his house and stole from him. He's also pysch and did a lot of weird shit and been to jail crap like that. Well hes nice to me. He called and texted me while tim was with me and tim freaked so much. He got kind of scary. Then I freaked out cuz he was being a jerk. I was so depressed and mad. I was talking to Jeremy and he is sicky but he still came over to see me cuz he loves me :D. We went to the mall and I got diapers and subway. Then watched Mall Cop then he had to go home :(
I watched Lost and the ending was the best but im not gonna say it cuz Jeremy hasnt seen it yet. See i dont always tell.
I watched Lost and the ending was the best but im not gonna say it cuz Jeremy hasnt seen it yet. See i dont always tell.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
never ever again
tim has gone to far. he has been doing shit behind my back and not even seeing me. he didn't get home until 6 am and then I find out he's seeing all these people/ bitches. he's lying saying he's alone or he's not doing anything. WTF!!!! I can't fucking do this shit. he already knows how I feel about her we had many many fights about her but he does this and I'm suppose to be ok with it. we got in a " fight" and then goes off with her and I'm suppose to be to blame. that piece of shit! he fucked up! I'm so pissed off. I just want to kill him. I hate him more than I have in a long time. he has been acting so cold hearted and so distance that everything I say is a fight. he's acting like jeremy use to and sometimes does. I can't even talk to him. I'm so hurt. :(
Saturday, January 31, 2009
im just depressed
that title pretty much says it all. I havent felt like writing cuz what is there to write about. my life is boring. I fight with tim and jeremy. Jeremy isnt my boyfriend. Fred isnt my boyfriend cuz of me. tim is mean and i have no money. I have no food in my house bearly. i cant even use my can opener. Jeremy is way behind on his child support and i need to buy pull ups and new clothes for jaden. school sucks. gym makes my legs hurt. and im just in a bad mood and wanna bitch.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
boring snow day
no school
no daycare
no going out
no fun
no gym
bearly any food
or
drink
computer
movies
and
Jaden
That's my day
no daycare
no going out
no fun
no gym
bearly any food
or
drink
computer
movies
and
Jaden
That's my day
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
summary of today
I was out all day classes back to back. might drop one or two add some new ones. i was tired hunrgy and my feet hurt. i took the bus to my parents and ate a huge thanksgiving like dinner turkey and all. no gym cuz jeremy needs to save gas. now im home watching things i missed yesterday. the power of online and downloading. Saw The Duchess today.
Monday, January 26, 2009
hate tim
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
also not a fan of Jeremy for what happened today. if he doesnt ever wanna be with me then he should know he cant keep doing this.
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
I HATE TIM
also not a fan of Jeremy for what happened today. if he doesnt ever wanna be with me then he should know he cant keep doing this.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
SUCK IT! Lily style
(Jeremy will probably be mad about this entry cuz of the "personal things" he said that I copied into this entry but im upset and having the worst day so i say fuck it deal with his bullshit tomm. If he even cares)
When I think me and jeremy are getting closer, he says something that just ruins all the good moments we have been having. I hate myself for having feeling for him. Again that stupid Amber bitch said something that upset me. And I said it to him and not her and he still defends her over me. I fucking cant stand he knows that. he's a jerk. oh well, i will do whatever i please he says. I couldnt even talk to fred without him getting mad today and after he found out fred slept over he got mean. Wouldnt talk and said i was acting like a skank and wouldnt come back over cuz i would just talk to fred.
When I think me and jeremy are getting closer, he says something that just ruins all the good moments we have been having. I hate myself for having feeling for him. Again that stupid Amber bitch said something that upset me. And I said it to him and not her and he still defends her over me. I fucking cant stand he knows that. he's a jerk. oh well, i will do whatever i please he says. I couldnt even talk to fred without him getting mad today and after he found out fred slept over he got mean. Wouldnt talk and said i was acting like a skank and wouldnt come back over cuz i would just talk to fred.
Shirley is in need of a boyfriend.
Girl please, you can do bad all by your damm self!!
a boyfriend would be nice though
omg cry you could have one if you were not so stuck on someone who no longer wants to be one.
tim is right sadly. I treat Jeremy like he's my boyfriend and its pointless. Jeremy said and I quote
"at this point
i want to like you more than i actually do
and this is why
you need help
you have issues
and you know it"
i want to like you more than i actually do
and this is why
you need help
you have issues
and you know it"
so i have issues now. Yea im emotional but thats it. What kind of meds are gonna help me. The get my ex bf to wanna be with me pills? come off it.
So I start class in 12 hours and I really dont wanna go at all. Its cold and the bus will be packed and I hate waiting. Plus not sure how to get to my class and I hate Umass.
gym
The gym is the devil i tell u. My body is so sore. But i got a membership ship and im not gonna waste 10 bucks a month to never go. Its not bad and I have always gone with Jeremy cuz he also has a membership and he gives rides. yesterday we worked out for 2 hours. I almost died! my legs were like jello seriously. The place is nice too. Its one big room with different areas. Jeremy told me to do all these leg exercises. I had to use all these leg machines when I could bearly walk as is. Its hard to go everyday cuz of Jaden and now I start school tomm.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
crap
My love life isnt going so well. Got in huge fights with all three of my exs, first Jeremy then Tim, now Fred. Its annoying and confusing. can u really be friends with ur exs? cuz two out of three wanna be with me. Though all 3 would be mad if i dated someone else and same goes for me. I dont wanna hurt any of them. But i cant help but do that.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
mad
I'm so mad at Jeremy. He totally ruined the day and for no reason at all. I can't stand it. He can just leave me crying and not even care. He freaks out at me then gets ms cuz I have no idea then leaves cuz I'm asking WTF! He's a jerk. I didn't do anything and he leaves and blows off our plans. then texts saying he's going to kassy and we will go to the gym later. then I find out he goes without me for 2 hours. I don't even wanna see him at all. What the fuck was he thinking?
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Ahh
so tim is being a jerk
Jeremy picked up jaden from daycare and me and him hung out. went to subway. walmart, and dicks. I got some gym clothes. Me and him both got a memebership at planet fitness and then worked out a little.
It was nice.
After reading Kim's entry bathing in a tub of confusion I started thinking about Jeremy. He is so confusing. I get depressed most times i see him cuz i dont understand. Its been 5 months and I still dont even know why he hates me so much. Lately we been getting along but it doesnt usually last long. He will block me again and say he hates me so much and it sucks. I just want things good.
Tim is coming over and im going to kill him while eating mcdonalds
Jeremy picked up jaden from daycare and me and him hung out. went to subway. walmart, and dicks. I got some gym clothes. Me and him both got a memebership at planet fitness and then worked out a little.
It was nice.
After reading Kim's entry bathing in a tub of confusion I started thinking about Jeremy. He is so confusing. I get depressed most times i see him cuz i dont understand. Its been 5 months and I still dont even know why he hates me so much. Lately we been getting along but it doesnt usually last long. He will block me again and say he hates me so much and it sucks. I just want things good.
Tim is coming over and im going to kill him while eating mcdonalds
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
me and jeremy
Another weird day. started bad in the am but good now. just wish we could be together. instead he doesn't have a problem telling ppl we are never getting back together. :'(
Monday, January 19, 2009
midnight
its midnight jaden drove me crazy. I really need to clean this whole week. And Im suppose to get my new phone tomorrow! YAY! hopefully it comes even if it is a holiday.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Damn Jeremy
Mine and Jeremy's non relationship is to focus on sex. Not loving sex but dirty dominating sex. Though I do love it there are times when I want more out of it. I don't feel special or even liked. Role playing shit is fun where I'm a cock whore and need to be punished LOL. I don't even know how to have loving sex, make love.
Sex and Reality are two different things and I don't want my dirty sex life made into a reality where they think I'm actually that. Guys are stupid sometimes. I been with guys who won't call me those names during sex cuz they dot think of me that way so I have some faith.
Sex and Reality are two different things and I don't want my dirty sex life made into a reality where they think I'm actually that. Guys are stupid sometimes. I been with guys who won't call me those names during sex cuz they dot think of me that way so I have some faith.
Sleepover
So umm Jeremy is sleeping over and so far not going so well. He keeps calling me fat, And he came into my room and got way to close to me so i back up and he said " dont flatter urself thinking I came in for u," then picked up his cup. Yeah and he wonders why i call him an ass. He needs a good punch in the balls. We are not talking and he has fallen asleep. I'm so watching desperate housewives season 2 all night my download is almost finished.
Friday, January 16, 2009
jerk bitch slut
Jeremy is bored. nothing to do but clean. 3:21pm
Amber Broussard at 3:27pm January 16
i can change that ;)
Jeremy Lewis at 3:27pm January 16
(^_^)
sad thing tim told me all the shit she was saying about Jeremy. god she rather do tim than jeremy. god she hates her bf so what. god i hate her, i hate when ppl do things just to piss me off. I tell her to back off yesterday and what does she do, a piece of work that slut is.
Jeremy Goals
I thought of being more supportive of Jeremy and his goals but at this point in time it seems useless and i dont want to lie to him. He doesnt care what I think just what everyone else does. Also, he doesnt take interest in my life. I support him having goals and being motivated in getting his goals. But why a motorcycle. Yeah there cool and people look cool on them, but there dangerous. And i dont want someone i love driving around in one expectly reckless Jeremy. Though I have to admit i would like to try it out but thats it. I just dont trust Jeremy enough to be a serious driver who wont get hurt. Even if i tell him to drop dead doesnt mean i want him too. I just wish things with him were different where i can actually talk to him about these kind of things without him freaking out saying i cant tell him what to do. I would like to talk to him about my goals but to him everything i do/say/like is stupid or retarded. And I probably wouldnt be able to cuz he's always judging me, which i probably do to him. Its an annoying cycle what he does to me I do to him then gets mad at me for doing it when he already does it to me and thats perfectly fine.
Side note:
Phone should be here today or tomorrow. I already got my new number, its not hard so I might be able to remember it.
Side note:
Phone should be here today or tomorrow. I already got my new number, its not hard so I might be able to remember it.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Rejected
Well Jeremy finally decided on facebook. And it was a big fat rejection. I dont know why I excpeted different. He stays friends with skanks and people who dont even talk to him and think hes a creep. Oh w/e gotta stop caring so much about him and focus on my new relationship with Fred.
Side note:
He asked that slut Amber for Bushey's email. Why would he need a drug dealers email? sigh, but why his email? It's not like i can ask him cuz he would freak out so here i am wondering......
Need to talk to Fred asap!!!
Side note:
He asked that slut Amber for Bushey's email. Why would he need a drug dealers email? sigh, but why his email? It's not like i can ask him cuz he would freak out so here i am wondering......
Need to talk to Fred asap!!!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Cell Phone
I just bought a new cell phone. I havent had one in forever. I cant wait until I get it. So excited bitches!!
I hate when I forget, venting helps
Jeremy made me remember again how stupid and childish he is. I mean on come I said u shouldnt be talking to that drag queen who u were in love with. Yea so what, I say Tim shouldnt be talking to Fred and its not like im serious or a big deal. I'm so sick of the way he responds to things. Saying fuck off bitch and that i shouldnt be telling him what he should or shouldnt do. Though he just told me to fuck off and not say anything to stop talking and fuck off and I'm suppose to do it no questions nuthin. Just drop everything and fuck off. what a fucking hyppcrite. I mean im not saying im not one but he gets so mad everytime i say he shouldnt do something but every second i should do this do this. eat this way fuck off now not talk anymore. I shouldnt be here getting upset cuz he called me a bitch just to hurt my feelings. I hate that he just blocks me or gettings off when i say why are freaking out? or why are u mad? or what is ur deal? Like i really dont understand the need to go nuts over something so dumb. He makes bad choices, he over thinks, he has a horrible temper, and basicly as everyone says a creep. I mean i love him but the way he talks to people and comments on people things is creepy. I mean i never thought he was creepy creepy until a lot of people kept saying to me what's with Jeremy hes acting like a creep. I mean at Sandi's birthday i heard it a lot from Aly. Overall sometimes I wish I could act more like him cuz he doesnt care about anyone really and doesnt act like me when i hurt him. I just wanna make things right and have him not mad at me and tell me what is going on. But he freaks out doesnt talk to me doesnt care if he blocks me or doesnt talk to me for days or more. I couldnt do that cuz i care to much about him and just want to talk to him or something. I just wish sometimes i could be like him and not care cuz then maybe he wont think of me as his psycho ex gf and maybe he wont say he hates me all the time cuz I want to be close to him and basicly be with him and have him for myself and not have to worry about skanks.
Anyways I'm buying a new cell phone got it picked out. Havent decided if I should give Jeremy the number or not. It's not like its fucking facebook and u have to think about being my friend for weeks. I mean who does that? I try not to fight on facebook cuz i dont want him deleting me but the one time i delete him..ugh i knew i shouldnt have requested him, it was after our anniversary and things were good. God, now he has the power/ the ball in his court.
(Not going to mention the thing that im mad at Fred about)
I feel better now getting all this anger out. Also im mad at fred but he has a point I was just to sad to think about it. I didnt want him to think like that or be that type of guy. But he has a point if nuthin is going to happen between us why should he be involved. Idk I still hate it even if were friends i would like him to. It just makes me feel bad a little.
Anyways I'm buying a new cell phone got it picked out. Havent decided if I should give Jeremy the number or not. It's not like its fucking facebook and u have to think about being my friend for weeks. I mean who does that? I try not to fight on facebook cuz i dont want him deleting me but the one time i delete him..ugh i knew i shouldnt have requested him, it was after our anniversary and things were good. God, now he has the power/ the ball in his court.
(Not going to mention the thing that im mad at Fred about)
I feel better now getting all this anger out. Also im mad at fred but he has a point I was just to sad to think about it. I didnt want him to think like that or be that type of guy. But he has a point if nuthin is going to happen between us why should he be involved. Idk I still hate it even if were friends i would like him to. It just makes me feel bad a little.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Fred :(
I'm feeling bad for Fred right now. He's going through a lot and I wish I could be of some help. But jeez goes he piss me off. He tell Tim all this crap and then says a whole different thing to me. Tim says its cuz Fred doesnt wanna piss Tim off with how much he likes me. That Tim is noticing how much Fred likes me and he doesnt really like it. Plus im sick of fighting about Fred with Tim and sometimes Jeremy. I dont know what to believe. I dont know what I am to Fred. Sometimes I feel like nuthin and other times I feel like everything. When I'm around him its so great, he's so sweet. I dont see him as just using me but maybe he is. It wouldnt be the first time. I thought things were different. idk idk idk
blogging on iTouch
just got this blogwriter app on my iTouch that let's me do text only blogs since I got the free version. I'm so happy I finally registered my iTouch. There are so many apps but I don't want to over do it. Can't sleep so watching the Midwest teen sex show. It's funny stupid and educational. I need to go to the bank and deposit a check and go to the post office too. Also need to go to the apple store to buy a new cable for my laptop since Jaden broke it by chewing on it. I let him use my laptop to watch a movie so I can watch one show and he breaks my charger. Grrrrr kids!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Night
So i hung with Fred. We went to taco bell with Tim. God, i really dont like the food there. Though I was looking smoking tonight lol since Fred kept telling me everytime a guy was checking me out. Me and him saw Bride Wars. It was nice and the movie was good. I was like feeling good and even dancing afterward. Fred didnt feel good so he went home then me and Tim fought like crazy. And right now we still are.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
its my so called life
I'm a bum. Jaden went to daycare today and it was so weird not having him around. Me and Tim had a fight about everything today. Lately all we do is fight. Mostly about Fred cuz Tim wants me with him and doesnt want me with Fred. But I dont even know about the whole me and Fred thing anymore. Me and Fred are going to see a movie today cuz its been planned for a long time. I'm totally making him go see Bride Wars.
Friday, January 9, 2009
An Amazing Anniversary!!
I think this is one of the only good ones. The day started fighting with Jeremy then ending in happiness at least for me. We went to eat with Jaden at Arizona Pizza in the mall. Our pizzas seem tiny like for children but it was fucking good! Then we went back to my place and chilled played a betting game with Jaden for awhile. Then Jaden wanted to eat and see a movie. SO then me and Jeremy slept alittle........and stuff. It was great. It was nice actually getting along. It's to bad it never lasts. I mean u cant have all good times but I hate the bad cuz it over powers th good. And then Jeremy forgets and just says he hates me all the time, sucks. I'm gonna look on the bright side and hope for more good days.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
me and Jeremy
So me and Jeremy are gonna try to be friends. And I'm waiting for him to finish up so we can go to the mall. I'm so hungry. It will be weird seeing him. It was weird just hearing his voice today. I really dont want to fight so I'm going to try to deal with how annoying he is. :)
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