thinking isnt helpful

I don't understand Jeremy much. How can he expect me to make him happy when he tells me he never wants to be with me and tells me to leave him alone and doesn't want to talk to me. Like today he acted all mad pissy when i said bye. I'm like what was that about and he's like its the way u said it. What im suppose to say bye happily when he's leaving cuz he hates me and doesnt want to be around me? I cant be nice to him when all i can think about all the mean things he says and how he hates everything about me and just has sex with me cuz he's not with someone at the moment. The only time im happy or nice is when I think there's hope like before he freaked out.

I just finished the break-up diet. It was good. I saw it on a someone's blog and i got an email for the ebook download so i read it in preview. I am trying to make sense of my life after my break up but im still not there. I'm just confused on what to actually do. move on keep trying its hard when Jeremy changes his mind 24/7. He wants to leave and I don't want him to. I want more and he wants less. I love him and he hates me/loves me sort of. I mean he doesnt really say it anymore and mostly if i say it first. sigh. I hate this part. I'm at the point where I dont even want him going out at all cuz he will find some chick who will have sex with him. And like he said he doesnt tell me anything anymore and we dont even talk about anything real. If he actually wanted to be with me things would be different between us. I wouldnt be as bitchy paranoid crying about how i dont even matter moody bitter annoyed. Jeremy is just scared thats why he picks fights and has whole blow outs over nuthin and ruins things when its finally not horrible.

Now were back at the beginning. I'm sick of always going backwards. I wanna move forward. With him or without him but I'm sick of being stuck in the past. I wanna move forward together but what I want never happens anymore.