Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

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blah blah life

I'm glad Fred is out of the hopstial. My weekend I was mostly with Tim like always since he's like my only friend basicly cuz I'm a loser. Jaden was very sick all weekend at Jeremy's house but he's perfectly fine now and overly hungry from lack of food in him. I have no cell and I'm still pretty unsure how to pay my rent in like 3 days. I dont have much to say.

IQ

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months worth of quotes

"night babe im going to bed now i watch u sleep for a hour your so cute, love you so much so hope u dream about me.
ok we need to do something so we can talk for hours about something.
when i was growing up, i was told never to say "cant" cause it was negative.
is it cant for u shirley or is it wont?
i would do so much for you, i call i try to make you happy, yeah i cant see you , i cant drive you places, but im nice to you when u are bitchy i treat you like goddess i try my best and i get nothing.
i miss you and love you.
i dont wanna break u and jj up.
then i want one thing, i want to let you know i truely love you and care, i think you are sexy no matter what you say, and ill stop with these ideas but i want you to call me for once and tell me something truthful.
when i say i love you, its a highest form of the word i rarely say it only say it when i truly mean it and that i care so much about that person.
not very often a pretty girl steals my words.
sweet carrying, somewhat bitchy at time but the bitchiness i can deal with, and see makes me really happy like i know i get all like bottle and stuff but the time i have been out with her it was fun even though i may of withdrawn but holding her and showing that im with her was fun, she's easy for me to talk to but sorta hard to understand and she want me to read her mind but i cant
and also she has a warm heart, that drives me crazy and she wonderful in bed and i tell her it all the time but i feel she doesnt believe me half the time.
if i could i would show her off so much
ur the best shirley.
i have to deal and stop causing so many problems for u.
ur in every dream, you in every thought ur in my mind so much now.
i cant read your mind no matter how much i want 2.
ur worth a life time of waiting.
last time im saying sorry for this but i want to be ask for forgiveness and ill stop trying so hard and over thinking so please talk ill be better.
Shirley when im with you i feel at peace, i feel i dont have to impress you. i fell i can sit and cuddle with you for hours and even care about anything else.
Your a goddess to me so beautiful making me feel important and accept me for who i am.
i would shoot my foot off but i need that to walk, so i can see u someday.
ur a naughty little goddess, im desperately attracted to.
do i have to like paint a picture of u naked like in titanic to get u to believe me?
and dont forget never time i come over im cooking you dinner.
you are either the nicest person i know or ur making fun of me.
ur a locked book that locked in a safe that inside of a blue whale who is frozen in ice. i wanna unlock it all though cause i wanna know you and i wanna understand you.
u can seduce me anytime.
why do u tease me so?
spent all night thinking about you.
miss everything about u
wanna lay next to you cause i like it and i love you and i want to
i have my only escape is getting and running cause i dont know the answer.
i dont want to see you sad i dont want you angry or depression i just want you to know im here
for you.
what do u want me to do, i care and want to know you feelings why cant you talk to me ill do anything just share a little bit.
i promise you that i will not become a dick and that i will not change who i am by doing this but its more of a way to show how much i want you.
i love you so much babe u making me really happy right now.
loooooooooooooooooooove you alot
love you and hope you have a tweet tweet day."

question of the day

So i want to ask a question, Now I've been looking into history for answers and to prepare me for the future. But i rationalized what i should and how i should deal with certian issues but my motta is don't worry about the past and just deal with the present but in the end i just hurt myself and others but i wanna know more about this person or subject but i dont want keep hurting myself and the other perosn or subject really what should i do?

tonight

Sometimes I hate Jeremy. Don't u think people didn't tell me to not try to be with him. That he's a loser and he will just hurt me. Though I still told people and I told them to shove it. Well Fred was the only one who was good about it surprisingly.

I can't tell him how I feel about it cuz we have a fight every time and Jeremy starts being mean and just leaving me crying. I just want things he's not willing to give me or doesn't think their important enough. Though I do love him.

cute pic of Jaden


"your sexy, I love u and I'm crazy about u."

Psycho Girlfriend

lol

bitchy bitch bitch(fuck I'm in a horrible mood)

Jeremy u suck. end of discussion. Peiord.

I could go into a long thing about how stupid he's being with not wanting to make our relationship more world wide but fuck it. my status will just say single cuz i doubt he put he was in a relationship. cuz people would just bitch right.

If u told people we r together, then why did u say not get bitched at by people that dont like me? If u already told people having us as in a relationship shouldnt be a problem on facebook. I'm not even going to say who or what i was thinking.

U think its nuthin but it bothers me that u wont do this. It doesnt even feel offical until everyone I know knows, u know. It kind of hurts my feelings. I'm going through so much too being with him and he cant even have u know who bitch at him. fuck.

Plus Tim u ruin everything. Quit it now please im sick of fighting/crying. Its mad annoying.

Fred there's nuthin i can say that u dont already know. sowwie.


I'm really unhappy.

I was happy. What happened?

Dating

I'm going out with Jeremy again. I had to end things with Fred and it was the hardest thing i ever had to do. I hate it so much. I want him in my life but it is to difficult. I'm trying to be happy that I'm with Jeremy again but all these bad things are happening cuz of it, its hard to just focus on him.

oh no

I'm back to being confused again. Always happens when I see Jeremy. It was nice seeing him though. I don't know how he's feeling. He seems lonely. We sort of talked about Fred. He doesn't like that I have sex with him and I don't blame him. I don't know Jeremy says a lot of shit so I don't know if he misses me. He seemed sad when I said I really like Fred. Though I don't know if I wouldn't still jump at the chance to be with him again. sigh. I wish things were simple.

I'm getting tired of being single and I want a relationship that won't end in a couple of weeks.

oh jeez

Me + Fred = Love

I need sleep! it's 6:30 am and I can't sleep. So my weekend didn't turn out the way I planned. It had it's ups and downs. Tim, Me, and Fred had our issues but we tried to all be together. Though they both get jealous.

Jeremy told me that he likes Kassy or liked or w/e it is now. It made me realized why he was such a asshole motherfucker to me. He liked someone else and I was in the way annoying him. He liked her and tried to have sex with her and I was of no use anymore. He liked her and want to talk to her not me. He liked her and wanted to see her and not me. He liked her and wanted to be nice to her not me. He liked her and didn't want me anymore cuz he got sick of me and thought a causal sex thing with her is so much better cuz they had some deep connection bullshit. Yea and people call me the whore when I am not in the least doing causal sex or ever want to anymore.

I am happy right now it's a fucking miracle.

Now I need sleep or Jaden's hyperiness will be the death of me seriously.

fun day

I had a nice day today. My dad can't pick up Jaden for the rest of the week. Tim said he would and try to for everyday. Also bring Jaden to Jeremy's house on Friday for this weekend. He says his car isn't safe. hmmm. Me and Tim picked up the car seat and Jaden. We went to IHOP yay in west Springfield. Then we went to Kmart to buy diapers. Jaden was being a royal pain the butt. I still need to pay my cable bill and return my clothes that don't fit at Marshalls. It's been a nice week so far :)

damn it

All I want right now is to see Jeremy. I want to drive over there right now. Jeremy would call me stalker or something. oh god I can't do this again I need to stop even if I do miss him. :(

Another Day of Shopping

I went shopping at the Holyoke Mall with Tim and Fred. I bought 2 new bras and a shirt at this new store near DEBS. Also got a new iTouch and apple headphones with a remote and a mic. I wanted to go somewhere this weekend but Tim needs to do some Saint pattys thing with family in New Hampshire. I forgot about it guess that's why Nate is having a big party on Saturday and everyone is gonna get trashed. I doubt Jeremy would miss it.

I use to read this when I thought of getting back together with Jeremy (100th post woot)

Since I was thinking of Jeremy in that way again I thought a blast to the past was needed.

You’re so full of shit Shirley you know that. EVERY single time we argue, I tell you why the fuck I’m mad at you. It's like you’re just not listening. I think it's sad that anyone who reads this blog is going to get such a distorted view of you and I.

Why don't I make this nice and clear right here and now so no one can dispute it. This will be my last post here.

I don't want to be with you. I don't want to date you. I don't want to marry you. I don't want to mess around with you. I don't want to hang out with you. I don't want anything to do with you outside of Jaden. I don't like you at all. You ruined my life in an irreparable way. and for that I will never forgive you. Whether you are or not, my OPINION of you is that you are a whore. Plain and simple. I can't make this any simpler.

PLEASE:

stop asking me to see you
stop asking me to go back out with you
stop asking me to marry you
leave me alone

WE ARE OVER. I don't care who's fault it is, because that doesn't change the fact that it is over.

 Jeremy Lewis at 8:48am November 20

If you actually read what i wrote:

"I don't care who's fault it is" How is that saying your at fault for everything? Your the only one trying to assign blame to our shitty relationship.

You didn't just ask me to go to a dad's group. You asked me to go to the LAST dad's group (meaning i won't know anyone there and won't have known what's been going on) not to mention the dads groups aren't anything like the moms groups. The max we've ever had has been like 3-4 guys INCLUDING ME. Why the fuck would i go to that?

Then about your iTunes. I've been telling you for YEARS get a fucking debit card and your own account, because if I'm not around you won't be able to fix your own shit. In order to authorize your shit so you can use your stuff and still get your 1000 stupid free apps i have to register MY ACCOUNT which is linked to MY CREDIT CARD. Meaning you could get all psycho pissy at me and charge up anything you wanted. I'm not stupid enough to let that happen.

Now you don't see me making a thousand posts on my shit about what an asshole bitch slut you are do you? How about you quit fucking talking shit about me every god damn chance you get.

 

 Jeremy Lewis at 8:48am November 20

P.S. I'm an asshole to YOU, not to everyone.

 

 Shirley Carmona at 9:12am November 20

omg I never got 1000 apps and I never ever charged anything to ur credit card. I always bought gift cards u bastard and I never would cuz I'm not like that. and I know how much ur in debt and how ur trying to pay shit off. I'm not as heartless as u, I never even though about it being ur credit card. look my livejournal post to my facebook so when I'm mad and vent about u it comes here. and I have no clue how to undo it. it's was some import button that I can't seem to find twice.

p.s. ur just an asshole in general sowwie had to let it slip

 

 

 Bitch Moment (Get Offended) :
The stupid thing is everytime I bitch or say something bitchy to Jeremy he is quick to post it on facebook or tell someone I'm bitching at him about something. He likes to make me the bad guy and people to be on his side on. Its understandable. I could say sowwie I didnt mean it a second later but that doesnt matter to Jeremy. He might think I'm a bitch for this and I'm wrong but if he really looked he would see I'm right. And what do I care the people he knows dont know me just know what Jeremy says about me. It could go both ways I guess. I had my moments of course when I'm angry but.........
I have changed and still changing for that matter. I'm not perfect but I can say I'm a better person now.

Can u Jeremy?

tim to me facebook thing

1. Where you and I met:
online but if you want in person at the hadley mall for our first date.

2. Take a stab at my middle name:
Joann    (it's spelled Joanne)
3. How long you've known me:
6 years still going to
4. The last time that we saw each other:
today i spent the day with you. ill tell you it was nice just being with you and not fighting
5. Would I ever go sky diving?:
no i dont think so but then again you have shocked me before
6. Your first impression of me upon meeting me/seeing me:
i remember looking at you and i was in shock you where so pretty and i was so scared you wouldnt like me...but you looked like a goddess to me.
7. Am I funny?:
you can be but most of the time its when your mad :)
8. Can I sing?:
i think you sing very well
9. The best thing about me:
the best thing about you is how you always give us another try even when i dont deserve it not to mention you keep me in line and out of trouble.
10. What do I want to do more than anything?:
to get out of the house and just have a good life
11. What is one thing that you think I should do?:
Fine a way to be happy no matter what that means
12. Do I have any special talents? If so, what are they?:
you have this great talent for being a pain in my butt
13. Have you ever hugged me?:
yes and i try to as much as i can
14. If there was one good nickname for me, it would be:
i still like sweetie i mean ive only called you it for 5 years now
15. Your favorite memory of me:
my favorite memory of you is the first movie we saw togther. when i held you and all i could think of was how i never wanted the night to end and how you made me feel..i never wanna forget it.
16. If you could only say one thing to me before I died what would it be?
The only thing that would matter to me which is telling you that no matter what ive said or done that i love you now and forever and it will never change and you where the best thing to ever happen in my life.
17. If you could change one thing about me what would it be?
how pigheaded you can be ;)
18. If you had 1 nice thing to say about me what would it be?
how loving and caring you can be to a complete asshole.
19. Would you party all night with me?
i would if i could keep up with you
20. Am i someone who you would like to be stranded with on a desert island with?
well lets see....me and you alone on an island with me doing all the work and doing whatever you said, i would love every moment of it....but you would wanna kill me after a week lol
21. Will you re-post this so I can fill this out for you?  no but if you wanna put somthing back i would like a lot

parenting with someone u dont get along with

I always feel bad when Jaden ask to see Jeremy. He was asking to see him today and a lot lately, it makes me sad to tell him he's not gonna come over. This is the one reason I hate when we dont talk anymore. I cant ask him to come over to see Jaden cuz knowing Jeremy he will make it into something like lets see I'm using Jaden and all the bullshit he has said in the past. It's just sad and really sad that Jeremy doesnt seem to care or hides really well. I mean if he wanted to see Jaden he would, i know neither of us want to see each other but still 4 days a month is pathetic. There's not even a daily phone call. The only other time he sees Jaden is if I ask him to pick him up or me and Jeremy r fucking again and he comes over. Grr this is why u should have a child with someone who actually likes u cuz then u won't become the reason ur child never sees his father.

Now I feel like shit again :(

I feel like a failure that I couldnt keep the love of my life or the father of my child and actually have a family. I fail. boo me.

Anyways guys keep asking me and hitting on me wanting to meet or wanting me to be their girlfriend and I really dont like it. Seriously I'm not as whoreish as everyone thinks. It just bothers me and I dont want to date or sleep around. Then wtf am I suppose to do? be a nun? Fuck that I doubt Jeremy has this problem.

amaziness (it could work)

I was very bitchy and mad over not being able to finding my iTouch. Then I went shopping and it really does help to buy new clothes. And of course I look fabulous in them :) I got 2 pairs of jeans and two of the same shirt but one in purple and blue. Then a cute red tank top and one of those vests in gray. Also the upseting news my boobs are growing grrr. I couldn't even fit in a 34 C and now I have to return the bra I got. Plue the hello kitty pjs cuz my god damn boobs didnt fit. I needed new clothes cuz Spring Break is coming and plans are in the works for an adventure. Still trying to figure out the best place to go or if a Road Trip is needed. Also money too blah.

Hopefully Jaden will be watched. I mean for one thing my mom's van isnt working this week they need a new something something and the place was out of stock. SO getting Jaden to and from daycare is gonna be a nightmare. Plus I dont think my mom can get to work but idk they borrow Hanna's car but they cant do it all the time u know and maybe in the mornings but in the afternoon to pick up Jaden idk. Today my mom asked if I could get Jaden and I told her I couldn't. It's stressful but it has to be done u know. Also I have midterms this week so I cant stand home with Jaden. In the end things will work out and I'll do what I can.

iTouch

I'm really fucking mad that I cant find my iTouch and that Jaden lost it. AND i have been looking and so has Tim for 2 ish days now. And if I dont find it im screwed cuz I cant get another one. ANd i love my iTouch wtf I always have it. One thing I probably couldnt live without. This blows!

Jaden Lewis Photo Album

I thought I would try out iMovie but didnt have videos made so I made a photo album of Jaden's life so far basicly.

story of my life

'Its ironic, we love those that ignore us and ignore those that love us.'

LoveGame- Lady GaGa

Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick

I wanna kiss you
But if I do then I might miss you, babe
It's complicated and stupid
Got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid
Guess he wants to play, wants to play
I love game, I love game

Hold me and love me
Just want touch you for a minute
Baby three seconds is in it for my heart to quit it

Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Don't think too much, just bust that thick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick

Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
are you in the game?
Through the love game
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
Are you in the game?
through the love game

I'm on a mission and it involves some heavy touching, yeah
You've indicated your interest, I'm educated in sex, yes
and now I want it bad, want it bad
I love game, I love game

Hold me and love me
Just want touch you for a minute
Baby three seconds is in it for my heart to quit it

Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Don't think too much, just bust that thick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick

Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
are you in the game?
Through the love game
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
Are you in the game?
through the love game

I can see you staring there from across the block
with a smile on your mouth and your hand on your c (huh!)
The story of us, it always starts the same
A boy and a girl and a (huh!) and a game

Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
are you in the game?
Through the love game
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
Are you in the game?
through the love game

Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
are you in the game?
Through the love game
Let's play a love game, play a love game
Do you want love, or you want fame
Are you in the game?

through the love game

Weekend love

One of the better weekends I've had in a long time. I was actually happy and someone was actually happy to be around me and was saying how happy I make them instead of the usual "u make me so unhappy." I forgot how different I act with other people since I usually see the same people and being around them brings out the worst in me. I mean yea I'm bitchy and i maybe give u an attitude but at least he didnt take it how they do. Also got my period again grrrrrrrr!! There's no need to freak out at me for a moment of bitchiness. And when the moment is gone and I wanna hold u, u do it instead of pulling away cuz I'm acting like a bitch. And I fucking hate when the next day u say I ruined the whole day cuz I was such a bitch or was bitchy the whole time. There's no need for that everyone has their moments. I felt understood this weekend. U need patience to deal with me and Jeremy doesnt with me he's to quick to leave or fight or freak out over something that I probably didnt mean. But I can't say I have never been that way with Jeremy. He just gets under my skin sometimes that even the littlest thing could set me off. But enough about Jeremy he doesnt have anything to do with my life. I'm back to reality now where mostly everything sucks oh well it can't be the weekend forever. :P

Need to start going to the gym again. Have midterms then Spring Break! Maybe I can actually go somewhere this time. I was thinking of buying some tickets :) Though gotta figure out about Jaden hmmm.

shit

my parents car is acting up and they need someone to pick up Jaden. crap!

Tim didnt tell me about this morons

Amber Liimatainen
March 5 at 3:49pm
Reply
Tim told shirley about the post. If you read up more you would know.
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Rebecca Sanborn
March 5 at 3:50pm
Reply
I can't the shit is too long for my phone:-)
*~*Becka*~*
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Amber Liimatainen
March 5 at 3:50pm
Reply
Ohhh
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jeremy Lewis
March 5 at 3:51pm
Reply
I'm not friends with tim or shirley so I can't read that stuff.
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Amber Liimatainen
March 5 at 3:52pm
Reply
I'm not friends with either of them. Both shady people if you ask me.
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Nate Malecki
Add as Friend
March 5 at 4:03pm
Reply
Shirley is just a whore. Nothing really shady there. What you see is what you get. Tim is a sketchball and a half though.

Amy Purcell
March 5 at 7:44pm
Reply
hahaha to all of this. Jeremy, did you not see the loooooooong conversation between shirley and my boyfriend on my page a while back? She is a fucking NUTJOB. Whatever though.... she can keep being a hoe, and possibly (if she hasn't already) stop spreading the "gift that keeps on giving"


one of the people who thinks Jeremy is way out of line keeps sending me this. I'm not naming names but it sure isn't tim. morons all of them.  Yea im a whore who has slept with 2 people for like 2 years now and just wants her ex bf but he's a complete asshole. And Jeremy isn't even friends with tim on facebook so why would he send it to him? Amber is a dumb bitch if she thinks that.

unforgiveable

Do you guys think you could do me a favor, and if your not friends with shirley, please remove her as a friend from your facebook. She goes around adding all my friends so that she can watch what i say to people and most of the time just ends up bitching at me for whatever i say.

If your actually friends with her, then go ahead and keep her if you want, otherwise i would greatly appreciate you guys removing her.

Thank you all,
-Jeremy


Shirley
Between Nate Malecki, Kassy Mimitz, Amber Liimatainen, Rebecca Sanborn, Sun Lew, Adam Bushey, You, Shelly Hallock, John Meehan, Amy Purcell, Amy Taupier and Jeremy Lewis


Amy Taupier------------aww you poor kid

Rebecca Sanborn-----
I'll delete her when i'm actually near a computer:-) tomorrow
*~*Becka*~*


Nate Malecki----lol no skin off my back. I'll delete, mang.
Adam Bushey---------fuck yea :D

Amber Liimatainen----That I'd give you a big "Woot!" for the helll of it. :)
Jeremy Lewis
Somehow she already knows about it and has begun her bitching about this too.
Adam Bushey i kno i saw that ROFL TIM!!!!! DUN DUN DUN
Rebecca Sanborn O

(thanks to the person who send this to me)

This is upsetting. I dont use these people to check up on Jeremy. And I'm not friends with even some of the people he send it to. I started delete some of them already just cuz I cant stand it anymore. It hurts less if I delete them before they delete me. He has really gone to a new low. Now i know he tells these people all this shit about me and thats why they dont like me cuz of his lies and his one sided stories. But to actually tell people to not be friends with me is just hateful and cold. I didnt know he was so ugly inside and had an big enough ego to think that. I'm not bitching but he's a dirtbag for doing this. I really thought deep down he cared about me that if i kept trying he would see that he needs to stop judging me and living in the past cuz im not the same person, im not as horrible as he says.

I already dont have any friends. I put Jeremy above everyone else. I never saw anyone cuz he was around a lot and no one really liked him and i told them that Jeremy was there to stay and they told me i was an idiot for picking him. Now I dont click good with girls and anyone i did Jeremy always messed it up one way or another the friendship ended. I am better with guys but Jeremy didnt want me hanging around guys. It was a fight to keep tim and Jeremy force me to give him up once or twice. And tim would also try to make me choose him or Jeremy. But I couldnt give Jeremy up, i love him more than anything.

It's not all his fault I changed. There was other guys. Guys flirting with me and me too. I changed though and he still thinks i'm that same person. I would give up almost anything to be with him again and that is so sad cuz he doesnt deserve it.

This is the hardest thing that I have to do and it's really breaking my heart and I can bearly see from the tears now.

what i thought when u were talking

look jeremy i dont cause trouble for u ok. i would be nice to u if u could not ruin everything all the time. i cant talk eat do anything without u saying something negative. i dont deserve how u treat me cuz all i ever wanted was u. and i cant ever have it and i hate it and i hate u. if u actually wanted to be with me i wouldn't be what i am right now.  Sometimes I wish I never met u so i wouldn't be so fucking crazy when it comes to u. ur mean and rude and couldn't care less about my feelings. Ur not who i fell in love with and I wish he would come back so I can start being myself again and not some crazy jealous bitch.

The real u is rare to see and when he comes out I try to hold on to him for dear life but is always thrown overboard cuz he has to make everything so hard and himself so impossible to love.

I want so much for everything i say to u to not be turned into a fight or u take as something its not. I bearly get to say anything or try to explain that its not what u think and ur taking it the wrong way. I'm sick of feeling used and helpless.

What's the point of being nice to u? It makes me look weak and makes it hurt more when u tell me u hate me and i make u unhappy and u dont wanna see me. But I'm sick of hearing all i do is bitch at him.

Jaden has a appt in an hour gotta get ready

me dancing around like a loser cuz im bored

im so stupid sometimes. This is what I do when I'm bored.

sex and the city

Omg. I just realized my love life is like carrie and Mr. big. That is so sad. Though they get married at the end of the movie after he stands her up and a year goes by. But it's like 10 years in the making.




Randomness: I want a big juciy burger right now!

why am I like this?

Jeremy is at the not talking to me stage again. I dont even know what he's doing. I text him and he didn't answer. And of course I'm at the paranoid stage. ugh.

Stupid snow day. Jaden is very cranky and hungry 24/7.

I havent been to the gym in forever and should probably go tomorrow or something. Though I look like shit and shouldn't be out in public.

There is no food in my house that I would actually eat except candy hmm....problem big problem.

Broke. need to pay bills.buy food. and a million things I cant think of at the moment.

I do need a job. oh well. my rent is just so high and pretty much sucks ass.

Fred wants to see me this week but idk for some reason i'm having second thoughts. But why? I mean Jeremy wants to move on and i'm not important anymore. I mean he can go days weeks without talking or thinking about me. He doesnt wanna hang out include me in his plans or life. I'm a nobody to him, oh i forgot all i am is one of his baby mamas(there will be more).

If we didn't have Jaden together we wouldnt even speak or see each other. I wouldnt be some sex thing instead of being in a real relationship.

ugh why am i thinking this? life sucks seriously.

thinking isnt helpful

I don't understand Jeremy much. How can he expect me to make him happy when he tells me he never wants to be with me and tells me to leave him alone and doesn't want to talk to me. Like today he acted all mad pissy when i said bye. I'm like what was that about and he's like its the way u said it. What im suppose to say bye happily when he's leaving cuz he hates me and doesnt want to be around me? I cant be nice to him when all i can think about all the mean things he says and how he hates everything about me and just has sex with me cuz he's not with someone at the moment. The only time im happy or nice is when I think there's hope like before he freaked out.

I just finished the break-up diet. It was good. I saw it on a someone's blog and i got an email for the ebook download so i read it in preview. I am trying to make sense of my life after my break up but im still not there. I'm just confused on what to actually do. move on keep trying its hard when Jeremy changes his mind 24/7. He wants to leave and I don't want him to. I want more and he wants less. I love him and he hates me/loves me sort of. I mean he doesnt really say it anymore and mostly if i say it first. sigh. I hate this part. I'm at the point where I dont even want him going out at all cuz he will find some chick who will have sex with him. And like he said he doesnt tell me anything anymore and we dont even talk about anything real. If he actually wanted to be with me things would be different between us. I wouldnt be as bitchy paranoid crying about how i dont even matter moody bitter annoyed. Jeremy is just scared thats why he picks fights and has whole blow outs over nuthin and ruins things when its finally not horrible.

Now were back at the beginning. I'm sick of always going backwards. I wanna move forward. With him or without him but I'm sick of being stuck in the past. I wanna move forward together but what I want never happens anymore.