Im sick of him

Im sick of the way Jeremy talks to me. Im sick of letting him push me around. Im sick of crying over him. Im sick of him not giving a crap about me. Im sick of him not caring if we see each other or talk to each other. Im sick of him saying he loves me then a second later he's freaking out telling me he hates me. Im sick of him never being nice to me. Im sick of him always bringing up the fact we are not dating. Im sick of him not doing anything loving or nice because were not dating, just cuz were not dating doesnt mean shit when it comes to us. We are never together it seems but that never changes anything. Im sick of him saying he doesnt want to be around me. If I said that he would call me a bitch. Im sick of how he can get away with anything mean but he punishes me for every little thing. Im sick of him.

I just want to not love him anymore. I mean what's the point anymore, I try so much. I let myself be treated horribly so I can just be around him. For what? He doesnt care if Im there unless Im sucking his fucking dick.
I want to be happy with him but he wont let it happen so.... I just need to keep myself busy and not think of him and not call/text him. It's always hard, I try all the time but I always fail.
Ugh I hate it. Its what he wants and I god damn hate it so much. I just want him so much. Fuck!

new years

So I ended things with Fred. Jeremy hates me. I have a major headache. I'm alone. I cant control my temper. I'm pmsing. Jaden is purposly driving me up a wall. I'm hungry and I'm gaining weight and people think I'm fucking pregnant. so far 2009 is just as bad as 2008. I just want everything to be over. Better. Something. I want hope. Ugh I hate complaining about my life.