What Was I Put On Earth For?

"The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go." ~ Dr. Suess

Sometimes things aren't what you hoped for and your at a point in your life where things should be different. I need something more than this, i can't live so little anymore. I may be young but everyone needs to grow up someday, sometime. Can't I ever want more for myself? Apparently not, I can't amount to anything. I will never be somebody. I will never marry anyone. I will never have more kids. I will never have a life I can be proud of. Why am I here? What was I put on Earth for? 

 

I don't understand why I am so not okay with this life.  Nothing good is said about me, I can't even have a decent relationship, and not sure how to be happy. 

"We all make mistakes.  The wise admit and learn from them.  The insecure deny them.  The foolish repeat them.  And the godly forgive them."

50 of the many reasons why i love Shirley Carmona from my boyfriend

1. her smile
2. her eyes and the way they light up for me
3. how happy she makes me
4. the way she teases me
5. how much she misses me when im gone
6. the way she makes me feel when im with her
7. her hair, specially when it gets messy
8. how she wore that school girl outfit for me
9. the way she hugs me and kisses me
10. how she always fits perfectly when we cuddle
‎11. how she loves my cornyness
12. the way she loves my pet name for her (love muffin)
13. the way she cooks for me
14. the way she keeps me fed even when she doesnt
15. how everytime i see her its like the first time everytime
16. how she can make sweatpants and a tshirt with no make up look sexy
17. how much sexier it is when she does dress up
18. her lips
19. the way she will dance around all silly in front of me
20. how well we get along, despite our differences

‎21. the differences we do have
22. how she has watched every episode of dragon ball Z
23. how she loves my guitar playing
24. how she will lounge around in her pjs all day with me
25. her pjs
26. all her hello kitty gear, mainly that hat
27. how she convinced me to get skype
28. the way she always falls asleep on me when we do skype
29. how i leave skype open when i fall asleep and wake up to her being there
30. the way she sings in spanish

‎31. how she says AIII instead of OWE when i bite her
32. DAT ASS
33. how she is who she is, and doesnt apologize to anyone
34. how absolutely adorable she is
35. how she makes me feel so wanted
36. how easy she is to scare
37. how kinky she is
38. how much time she spends on facebook games
39. the way she play fights with me
40. the way she actually fights with me sometimes

‎41. how we started dating
42. how she is still dating me
43. how she loves my beard
44. the way she flirts with me even tho she already has me
45. how we can talk for hours and hours and not get bored
46. how shes a nerd just like me
47. the way she wears my clothes when i leave em there
48. the way she kisses me
49. the way she tells me she loves me
50. how im so fucking in love with her

u are amazing

"well, i love spending time with you, i love your personality, your sense of humor. i love how easy it was for me to feel comfortable with you. i love the way you make me feel, i love the things about you who make you who you are.  yea, i love you, i really do.  at least from all i know about you at this point.  i know it is still really early in our relationship and we really didnt talk to much before that,  but when i tell you i love you i dont feel any regret or doubt about it.  if you mean to ask "am i in love with you"  i will tell you im falling, hard, in love with you.  

i am truely happy to be with you, i feel truely lucky to have the chance."

Aww that's the sweetest thing from my man

A thing called life

“When fate presents one with such a grand opportunity, what else is one to do?”


Guess it's been a long time since i've written. Last entry me and Fred were broken up. Surprise Surprise we got back together and broke up again of course long distance relationships don't usually work and in mine and Fred's case him ignoring me 24/7 doesn't work either even here. Not like he gives a shit or anything he hasn't been that guy who missed me in that red notebook in a long time. Go get to know some hoe Fred not like I was waiting for u to come back or anything. Guess I stop waiting after the random break up. Why bother caring they only like u when ur mean to them cuz the second u show love it's a sickness, a weakness they want to get away from. 


Don't even get me started on Jeremy. He's confusing and simple at the same time. I think it's just easier for him to hate me then to actually have to bring up old feelings or any other than the ones he's grown a custom to when it comes to me. I get it I've been trying to change it but believe me I don't think it's happening. I really miss the guy who would come over when i was sick and said things to me that made me feel special. 


It been a long time since I've felt grounded like things are in place and this is what's suppose to happen. I thought i had things figured out for once but people randomly let u down and mess things up.


I'm more sad than bitter when it comes to Fred and more bitter than sad when it comes to Jeremy. 


"All you can do in life is be who you are; Some people will love you for you, most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won’t like you at all."

History on Repeat

"People don't know what it means to love someone. what it involves. it's a little more effort than just saying it."


I didn't want to blog while me and Fred were broken up cuz I didn't want it to be like when I was with Jeremy and all the crazy emotional things I wrote and how I put my feelings out there to get shut down. When u finally realize that it's over and he doesn't want u back u become so sad and bitter. It's all I think about and when I'm around him all i think about is please be with me. It's sad and lonely.I get it. He treated me like shit enough ignoring me and making no effort to the point where i freaked and broke up with him only to realize it was stupid but to my surprise that was his plan, he didn't wanna look like the bad guy so he acts like an ass until i broke up with him and has no plans to be with me again. Mostly i think he said his reason was Jaden and a bunch of other half ass excuses. He likes other people/person. Calls her babe and she calls him love ugh barf. whatever i've obsess about it enough. 


I fall madly in love and they fall out of it.


I've cried so many tears. He just keeps hitting me when I'm down. Has pulled the maybe card for over a month and still makes it so i believe he will come over this time. All I want is to see him and he just said no today like I really don't matter. I didn't know how to stop throwing myself at him cuz I thought maybe this time it will be different but it never is.


Fred=Jeremy
I traded one of another. My life is on repeat. History has spoken. Fred will leave for the summer without being my boyfriend to do god knows what me hating every second of everyday he refuses to be with me and me I guess finding someone new like I know Fred will while he hooks up this summer. Why else tell me to wait until he comes back if u don't want me now while I'm around then ur not gonna want me 3 months later. If u don't wanna be my bf now so what u can be single for the summer to do whoever u want and what think I'm gonna jump at the chance after u fucked around. HA! For all i know I'm just overreacting but how else am I suppose to act when ur madly in love with someone who has no interest in u.


It will take a lot of time and fuck ups before I will bury my feelings for him cuz I can't ever forget him. He feels like a part of me that i want back.

I have hit rock bottom. 

Time to pick myself up again.

I have become boy crazy yikes. I knew I loved Fred but I didn't want this to happen. I thought he had it in him to make me happy and instead I got misery. U would think he would take me back so I can become nice and normal and not mean cuz this time I can show love. nope not the case.

UGH i need to shut up about Fred already. He doesn't want me back. He doesn't want me back. He doesn't want me back. He doesn't want me back. He doesn't want me back. He doesn't want me back. He doesn't want me back. He doesn't want me back. He doesn't want me back. He doesn't want me back. sigh. goodbye my lover.


I miss when I wasn't a love sick twat!

"Half of my heart is a shotgun wedding to a bride with a paper ring and half of my heart is the part of a man who's never really loved anything."

Your Love Is My Drug

	Ke$ha - Your Love Is My Drug .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Ke$ha might be dumb and sing songs about stupid immature stuff but I can't help but love this song and it's how I feel about my love.
LYRICS
Maybe I need some rehab
Or maybe just need some sleep
I got a sick obsession
I'm seein it in my dreams
I'm lookin down every alley
I'm makin those desperate calls
I'm stayin up all night hopin hitin my head against the wall

What you got boy, is hard to find
I think about it all the time
Im all strung out my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind!

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

Wont listen to any advice
Mommas tellin me I should think twice
But look into my own devices, im addicted its a crisis
My friends think ive gone crazy
My judgments gettin kinda hazy
My steeze is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick crack head

What you got boy, is hard to find
I think about it all the time
Im all strung out my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind!

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

I dont care what people say
The rush is worth the price I pay
I get so high when your with me
But crash and crave you when you leave

Hey, so I got a question
Do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement?
Do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum
Is my love your drug? your drug?
Huh, your drug?
Huh, your drug?
Is my love your drug?

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

Hey, heyy, sooo
You love, your love your love, is my drug
(She says) I like your beard