me dancing around like a loser cuz im bored

im so stupid sometimes. This is what I do when I'm bored.

sex and the city

Omg. I just realized my love life is like carrie and Mr. big. That is so sad. Though they get married at the end of the movie after he stands her up and a year goes by. But it's like 10 years in the making.




Randomness: I want a big juciy burger right now!

why am I like this?

Jeremy is at the not talking to me stage again. I dont even know what he's doing. I text him and he didn't answer. And of course I'm at the paranoid stage. ugh.

Stupid snow day. Jaden is very cranky and hungry 24/7.

I havent been to the gym in forever and should probably go tomorrow or something. Though I look like shit and shouldn't be out in public.

There is no food in my house that I would actually eat except candy hmm....problem big problem.

Broke. need to pay bills.buy food. and a million things I cant think of at the moment.

I do need a job. oh well. my rent is just so high and pretty much sucks ass.

Fred wants to see me this week but idk for some reason i'm having second thoughts. But why? I mean Jeremy wants to move on and i'm not important anymore. I mean he can go days weeks without talking or thinking about me. He doesnt wanna hang out include me in his plans or life. I'm a nobody to him, oh i forgot all i am is one of his baby mamas(there will be more).

If we didn't have Jaden together we wouldnt even speak or see each other. I wouldnt be some sex thing instead of being in a real relationship.

ugh why am i thinking this? life sucks seriously.

thinking isnt helpful

I don't understand Jeremy much. How can he expect me to make him happy when he tells me he never wants to be with me and tells me to leave him alone and doesn't want to talk to me. Like today he acted all mad pissy when i said bye. I'm like what was that about and he's like its the way u said it. What im suppose to say bye happily when he's leaving cuz he hates me and doesnt want to be around me? I cant be nice to him when all i can think about all the mean things he says and how he hates everything about me and just has sex with me cuz he's not with someone at the moment. The only time im happy or nice is when I think there's hope like before he freaked out.

I just finished the break-up diet. It was good. I saw it on a someone's blog and i got an email for the ebook download so i read it in preview. I am trying to make sense of my life after my break up but im still not there. I'm just confused on what to actually do. move on keep trying its hard when Jeremy changes his mind 24/7. He wants to leave and I don't want him to. I want more and he wants less. I love him and he hates me/loves me sort of. I mean he doesnt really say it anymore and mostly if i say it first. sigh. I hate this part. I'm at the point where I dont even want him going out at all cuz he will find some chick who will have sex with him. And like he said he doesnt tell me anything anymore and we dont even talk about anything real. If he actually wanted to be with me things would be different between us. I wouldnt be as bitchy paranoid crying about how i dont even matter moody bitter annoyed. Jeremy is just scared thats why he picks fights and has whole blow outs over nuthin and ruins things when its finally not horrible.

Now were back at the beginning. I'm sick of always going backwards. I wanna move forward. With him or without him but I'm sick of being stuck in the past. I wanna move forward together but what I want never happens anymore.

skanky hello kitty

This is skanky hello kitty. Jeremy got it for me yesterday for my birthday as u know. I love it :)

shitty birthday

what a shitty birthday. oh well didnt expect anything much. Jeremy took me to build a bear and got me a hello kitty bear. Which was nice of him since he never wants to be with me again cuz he's not fucking "happy" with me. Jeremy almost blew me off(cuz i got mad that he said" and that's why i dont tell u anything"), he was mocking me in the car cuz i was naming off states on plates, he comments on how i eat and walk all the time. He cant just leave it alone he has to pick at me. I had to put my headphones on cuz i couldnt take it I would of bitch him out the whole day.  Oh well i cant expect him to ever admit it and it just makes me mad. Im just gonna eat food and watch tv.

Birthday

ITS MY MOTHER FUCKING BIRTHDAY!

its gonna be really boring cuz i will get no gifts and will probably do nuthin possibly not sure yet. Im gonna see tim maybe and Jeremy. Its also his weekend with Jaden.

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