Jeremy Goals

I thought of being more supportive of Jeremy and his goals but at this point in time it seems useless and i dont want to lie to him. He doesnt care what I think just what everyone else does. Also, he doesnt take interest in my life. I support him having goals and being motivated in getting his goals. But why a motorcycle. Yeah there cool and people look cool on them, but there dangerous. And i dont want someone i love driving around in one expectly reckless Jeremy. Though I have to admit i would like to try it out but thats it. I just dont trust Jeremy enough to be a serious driver who wont get hurt. Even if i tell him to drop dead doesnt mean i want him too. I just wish things with him were different where i can actually talk to him about these kind of things without him freaking out saying i cant tell him what to do. I would like to talk to him about my goals but to him everything i do/say/like is stupid or retarded. And I probably wouldnt be able to cuz he's always judging me, which i probably do to him. Its an annoying cycle what he does to me I do to him then gets mad at me for doing it when he already does it to me and thats perfectly fine.

Side note:

Phone should be here today or tomorrow. I already got my new number, its not hard so I might be able to remember it.

happy

I'm happy right now at this moment in time.

Seeing Timmy in a few!!

Rejected

Well Jeremy finally decided on facebook. And it was a big fat rejection. I dont know why I excpeted different. He stays friends with skanks and people who dont even talk to him and think hes a creep. Oh w/e gotta stop caring so much about him and focus on my new relationship with Fred.

Side note:
He asked that slut Amber for Bushey's email. Why would he need a drug dealers email? sigh, but why his email? It's not like i can ask him cuz he would freak out so here i am wondering......

Need to talk to Fred asap!!!

Cell Phone

I just bought a new cell phone. I havent had one in forever. I cant wait until I get it. So excited bitches!!

I hate when I forget, venting helps

Jeremy made me remember again how stupid and childish he is. I mean on come I said u shouldnt be talking to that drag queen  who  u were in love with. Yea so what, I say Tim shouldnt be talking to Fred and its not like im serious or a big deal. I'm so sick of the way he responds to things. Saying fuck off bitch and that i shouldnt be telling him what he should or shouldnt do. Though he just told me to fuck off and not say anything to stop talking and fuck off and I'm suppose to do it no questions nuthin. Just drop everything and fuck off. what a fucking hyppcrite. I mean im not saying im not one but he gets so mad everytime i say he shouldnt do something but every second i should do this do this. eat this way fuck off now not talk anymore. I shouldnt be here getting upset cuz he called me a bitch just to hurt my feelings. I hate that he just blocks me or gettings off when i say why are freaking out? or why are u mad? or what is ur deal? Like i really dont understand the need to go nuts over something so dumb. He makes bad choices, he over thinks, he has a horrible temper, and basicly as everyone says a creep. I mean i love him but the way he talks to people and comments on people things is creepy. I mean i never thought he was creepy creepy until a lot of people kept saying to me what's with Jeremy hes acting like a creep. I mean at Sandi's birthday i heard it a lot from Aly.  Overall sometimes I wish I could act more like him cuz he doesnt care about anyone really and doesnt act like me when i hurt him. I just wanna make things right and have him not mad at me and tell me what is going on. But he freaks out doesnt talk to me doesnt care if he blocks me or doesnt talk to me for days or more. I couldnt do that cuz i care to much about him and just want to talk to him or something. I just wish sometimes i could be like him and not care cuz then maybe he wont think of me as his psycho ex gf and maybe he wont say he hates me all the time cuz I want to be close to him and basicly be with him and have him for myself and not have to worry about skanks.

Anyways I'm buying a new cell phone got it picked out. Havent decided if I should give Jeremy the number or not. It's not like its fucking facebook and u have to think about being my friend for weeks. I mean who does that? I try not to fight on facebook cuz i dont want him deleting me but the one time i delete him..ugh i knew i shouldnt have requested him, it was after our anniversary and things were good. God, now he has the power/ the ball in his court.

(Not going to mention the thing that im mad at Fred about)
I feel better now getting all this anger out. Also im mad at fred but he has a point I was just to sad to think about it. I didnt want him to think like that or be that type of guy. But he has a point if nuthin is going to happen between us why should he be involved. Idk I still hate it even if were friends i would like him to. It just makes me feel bad a little.

blah

Fred not talking. Jeremy is bitchy. Tim is stupid. Still haven't paid my rent it's so late.

Fred :(

I'm feeling bad for Fred right now. He's going through a lot and I wish I could be of some help. But jeez goes he piss me off. He tell Tim all this crap and then says a whole different thing to me. Tim says its cuz Fred doesnt wanna piss Tim off with how much he likes me. That Tim is noticing how much Fred likes me and he doesnt really like it. Plus im sick of fighting about Fred with Tim and sometimes Jeremy. I dont know what to believe. I dont know what I am to Fred. Sometimes I feel like nuthin and other times I feel like everything. When I'm around him its so great, he's so sweet. I dont see him as just using me but maybe he is. It wouldnt be the first time. I thought things were different. idk idk idk