fred

Fred asked me out. confused. need to make pro/con list.

Im sick of him

Im sick of the way Jeremy talks to me. Im sick of letting him push me around. Im sick of crying over him. Im sick of him not giving a crap about me. Im sick of him not caring if we see each other or talk to each other. Im sick of him saying he loves me then a second later he's freaking out telling me he hates me. Im sick of him never being nice to me. Im sick of him always bringing up the fact we are not dating. Im sick of him not doing anything loving or nice because were not dating, just cuz were not dating doesnt mean shit when it comes to us. We are never together it seems but that never changes anything. Im sick of him saying he doesnt want to be around me. If I said that he would call me a bitch. Im sick of how he can get away with anything mean but he punishes me for every little thing. Im sick of him.

I just want to not love him anymore. I mean what's the point anymore, I try so much. I let myself be treated horribly so I can just be around him. For what? He doesnt care if Im there unless Im sucking his fucking dick.
I want to be happy with him but he wont let it happen so.... I just need to keep myself busy and not think of him and not call/text him. It's always hard, I try all the time but I always fail.
Ugh I hate it. Its what he wants and I god damn hate it so much. I just want him so much. Fuck!

new years

So I ended things with Fred. Jeremy hates me. I have a major headache. I'm alone. I cant control my temper. I'm pmsing. Jaden is purposly driving me up a wall. I'm hungry and I'm gaining weight and people think I'm fucking pregnant. so far 2009 is just as bad as 2008. I just want everything to be over. Better. Something. I want hope. Ugh I hate complaining about my life.

fuck today

Yea Yea u can say it. I told u so they u told me he isnt good for me. He's an asshole worthless mean but i never listen. I always say this time will be different hes not that bad. But its never different its always bad gets worst everytime. I dont know what to say anymore. I'm sick of saying the samething everytime. I'm sick of being the one who crys their eyes out. He feels nuthin. Everytime i see him I try to forget to pretend, and it usually works. Until he says he hates me and I make him miserable all the time. It cant be true cuz an hour before he was laughing and having a good time. He just wants to hurt me and he does. It's pointless loving someone like that. Just plain pointless.

Well this is 2008 a disappointment. Hopefully 2009 can make me happy.

Jeremy's

Been at Jeremy's playing rock band 2. We got so tired from it we fell asleep. It was three in the morning when I woke up again. Jaden had found his way to us and slept with his blanket on the floor. Im glad my son is smart enough cuz I was knocked out. He was kinda crabby but its ok. Now im still at his house playing rock band 2 but im doing vocals and my voice is dying and i sound like shit. We ordered pizza too. Im probably gonna be here for new years too.

iTouch

I just got my new iTouch via FedEx. I'm so excited but it sucks to cuz I just got a bank account and I have to wait to make an iTunes account so I dont have any apps. :(

Im bored

I'm so bored! There no school no daycare and Jaden 24/7 in my house not good. It is so messy theres no way I'm cleaning it to just get even messier tomm. I need to set an appt. for Jaden's daycare. He is the crazy wild child and I'm the laid back parent.

So me and Fred been talking pretty regularly now. I can actually IM him without being scared and waiting hours until I get the courage to. He actually told Tim he wished I didnt still do shit with Jeremy.
He said it makes being with me empty. Ok so Fred likes me. Me and Fred have been hanging out since Jeremy told me he never wanted to be with me again. Though now things have changed with Jeremy. And I dont know what to do about Fred cuz Jeremy still wont go out with me but I have more of a chance now. Now i feel like I'm juggling two guys which i hate doing. But I like hanging with Fred though Tim hates it. He feels like i forget about him when Fred is around. He hates Fred even though Fred basicly lives with him. idk idk

Jeremy is coming shortly so I can play with the Christmas gift I got him ROCK BAND 2!