new years

So I ended things with Fred. Jeremy hates me. I have a major headache. I'm alone. I cant control my temper. I'm pmsing. Jaden is purposly driving me up a wall. I'm hungry and I'm gaining weight and people think I'm fucking pregnant. so far 2009 is just as bad as 2008. I just want everything to be over. Better. Something. I want hope. Ugh I hate complaining about my life.

fuck today

Yea Yea u can say it. I told u so they u told me he isnt good for me. He's an asshole worthless mean but i never listen. I always say this time will be different hes not that bad. But its never different its always bad gets worst everytime. I dont know what to say anymore. I'm sick of saying the samething everytime. I'm sick of being the one who crys their eyes out. He feels nuthin. Everytime i see him I try to forget to pretend, and it usually works. Until he says he hates me and I make him miserable all the time. It cant be true cuz an hour before he was laughing and having a good time. He just wants to hurt me and he does. It's pointless loving someone like that. Just plain pointless.

Well this is 2008 a disappointment. Hopefully 2009 can make me happy.

Jeremy's

Been at Jeremy's playing rock band 2. We got so tired from it we fell asleep. It was three in the morning when I woke up again. Jaden had found his way to us and slept with his blanket on the floor. Im glad my son is smart enough cuz I was knocked out. He was kinda crabby but its ok. Now im still at his house playing rock band 2 but im doing vocals and my voice is dying and i sound like shit. We ordered pizza too. Im probably gonna be here for new years too.

iTouch

I just got my new iTouch via FedEx. I'm so excited but it sucks to cuz I just got a bank account and I have to wait to make an iTunes account so I dont have any apps. :(

Im bored

I'm so bored! There no school no daycare and Jaden 24/7 in my house not good. It is so messy theres no way I'm cleaning it to just get even messier tomm. I need to set an appt. for Jaden's daycare. He is the crazy wild child and I'm the laid back parent.

So me and Fred been talking pretty regularly now. I can actually IM him without being scared and waiting hours until I get the courage to. He actually told Tim he wished I didnt still do shit with Jeremy.
He said it makes being with me empty. Ok so Fred likes me. Me and Fred have been hanging out since Jeremy told me he never wanted to be with me again. Though now things have changed with Jeremy. And I dont know what to do about Fred cuz Jeremy still wont go out with me but I have more of a chance now. Now i feel like I'm juggling two guys which i hate doing. But I like hanging with Fred though Tim hates it. He feels like i forget about him when Fred is around. He hates Fred even though Fred basicly lives with him. idk idk

Jeremy is coming shortly so I can play with the Christmas gift I got him ROCK BAND 2!

crazy night

Had christmas part 2 with Jaden at my parents house. Then Jeremy picked up Jaden cuz its his weekend. I went and setup my first checking account. Then went and looked at phones. I want quickfire but there could be a lot of problems. and i dont kno if i could afford it. I hung out with Fred too when we went back to tim's house. Tim doesnt like it so much, but i like hanging with Fred.  me and sandi took some pics
AT&T Quickfire

Christmas

good family time got lots of presents and cash. then saw yes man with tim and fred. Jeremy was being a jerk this morning.  Me and Fred got in a fight. Then had a long talk and god he is just so different and i like being around him. Fred told me that he likes me and it made me happy and sad and worried all at once. Then Jeremy came over and we had a talk about me and Fred and whats going on.